How to Catch a 'Straight' Guy
by MoonLLotus
Summary: I'm Duo Maxwell, an all in all sexy beast. Just about every girl wants me. Unfortunately for them I'm as straight as the letter 'S'. And unfortunately for me I just so happen to be crushing on the straightest guy in school.-REVAMPED
1. PROLOGUE

Title: **How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy**

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.

* * *

**PROLOGUE**

* * *

I suppose you could say that it all began the last day of spring break of junior year. My family and I were driving home from the supermarket, and that's when I first laid eyes on _him_. The car was parked at a red light and he was riding his bike to an unknown destination. He was wearing a loose green tank top and black basket ball shorts, his clothing showed off the right amount of muscles.

His hair was a dark, chocolate brown and windblown. It mostly covered his face, so I couldn't tell what color his eyes were, but it didn't matter. He was handsome, and I'm sure I openly gawked at him in awe. I probably drooled a bit too. I wanted to tell my mom to just let me out the car right there, just so I could follow him into the subdivision he was headed towards.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Once the light turned green he disappeared from my sight.

"That guy was pretty hot," My younger sister, Hilde, commented once the car began to move again.

I almost nodded in agreement. He was very hot indeed.

In case you're wondering, my name is Duo Maxwell. I'm currently seventeen years old and stand at a proud five feet and seven inches tall. What I lack in height I make for in length – hair length that is. I have a three foot long braid.

One thing you should know is that I never tell a lie. No fooling, I was kind of brainwashed by my parents about it as a child. Liars are the ultimate sinners and go directly to hell. Pretty sick and twisted thing to tell an impressionable seven year old, but I digress. My motto is "I may run and hide, but I never tell a lie." That's me in a nutshell.

So what am I forgetting here? Ah, my eyes are a sort of cobalt, although everyone swears that they're lavender. I really don't see it. My face is a bit of a heart-shape, and my nose is a little crooked due to breaking it about three times.

All in all I'm a sexy beast; just about every girl wants me. And hey, if I were into them like _that_ then I'd so want them to scream my name as they writhed beneath me. Unfortunately for them I'm about as straight as the letter 'S'. That's right folks, I am a homosexual! I'm queer and here, get used to it. I'm actually pretty damn proud of myself for it too.

There's just one problem that I have. See, I have this crush on this guy. A really good looking guy, and kind that's popular to boot. The problem? I'm pretty sure that _he's straight_. Typical, huh?

Woe is me!

However, I have great, marvelous, fantastic, and brilliant idea of a plan. I dub this plan "How to Catch a 'Straight' Guy". And I'm pretty sure that I WILL succeed, because Due Maxwell does not know failure. AHAHA.

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Originally Posted: 10/20/07

Edited and Reposted: 7/21/11


	2. STEP I

Title: **How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy**

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.

* * *

**STEP I: Get Him to Know You Exist**

* * *

_1. Get him to know that you exist: The first step into catching a guy was to make sure he knew you were alive. This could be one of the trickiest things you could do, simply because there're so many ways you could approach this guy that you wanted. See, I've made catching a guy into a sort of art. And maybe a little like a predator hunts its prey. Or like how one of my sisters looked for the best bargain on a discount sale._

_Yes, it's an art, a delicate type, a—_

"Duo, what are you doing?" A curious voice asked from my left.

I blinked and looked to one of my best friends. Quickly closing my math notebook as reality crept up on me at the worst time. It was only now that I fully realized that I was sitting at a cafeteria table, in an overly crowded cafeteria, not so discreetly spying on the guy across the room from me.

"Earth to Duo, hello?" My eye twitched on its own as he yanked my braid. His whiny voice caused me to internally flinch.

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. For a moment I thought he was the devil.

When people saw him for the very first time they probably thought that he's some sort of angel. That's what I had first thought when I met Quatre R. Winner. He had this soft sand blond hair, wide aquamarine eyes, a gentle smile, a pixie nose, and cream colored skin. With his cherub face of course he'd be mistaken for something holier than thou. It's all a ruse, the blond was a complete oxymoron.

Wait…did I use that word right? Damn, I really got to stop taking naps during English.

One more yank caused me to snap my head toward him, "Yes?"

He gave me that superficially innocent smile of his, "May I have some of your fries?"

"Take 'em Quatre. Just don't pull my hair again. Otherwise I'd have to shave your head bald." I threatened.

He snorted, "You'd only get to do that once I'm nice and dead."

I grinned and gave him a wink, "Oh I can always punish you into submission. So much that you'd be begging for more."

"I hope so Duo, because I won't stop struggling until you've taught me a lesson nice and _hard_." He gave me a smirk, which made my grin widen. I had truly corrupted this poor, innocent, boy.

Our other friend across the table, the only straight one out of our trio, coughed and glared at us with his onyx colored eyes. "Have you no shame or decency?" He demanded.

Ladies and gent's, introducing Wufei Chang. Let me tell you a little about him. At times he was a stereotypical Chinaman. All honor and wisdom and other Asian stereotypes. He was a great looking guy, with his mysterious onyx eyes, caramel toned skin, shiny black hair that was pulled back into a low ponytail. He had a bit of a hawk nose, and could be a little too strict. He was the straight and narrow type, sometimes he reminded me of a ruler. But, he was a great guy to have as your friend and watch your back. He was also the type of guy who you just loved to rile up.

Unlike Quatre, who was my partner in crime, Wufei was the one bailing us out a good chunk of the time. And I meant that literally, because last summer saw Quatre and I almost being carted off by the cops for trespassing (not that we knew we were!) and skinny dipping. If Wufei hadn't been there we probably would've had to go to the police station and wait for our parents. And knowing my mom and dad, they would've left me overnight as a lesson. I can assure you, I'm too pretty for prison.

"No, not really, I'm surprised you even asked, seeing as you're fruitier in the booty than we are." Quatre laughed pleasantly, making dark eyes widen.

"Don't say things like that!" Wufei hissed, "It'll start rumors!"

I shrugged, "'Fei, people know that me and Q are the only rainbow wearing ones in our tiny group."

He narrowed his eyes at me, "Duo, people are talking. They're saying blah blah blah…"

Okay, so he really wasn't saying "blah", but I tuned him out whenever he told me what the rumor mill was producing. I swore the boy knew everything that was circulating around the school. He was almost as bad as Dorothy Catalonia, the Queen B of gossip. Honestly, if you wanted to know something it was always best to ask her, but beware, she always demanded a price or she'd start shit about you too.

Not caring about what was being said; I continued to ignore Wufei and went back to watching _him_.

You could imagine how surprised I was when I realized that he went to the same school as me. I had nearly forgotten about the guy. Then, at the beginning of senior year I noticed him sitting in the cafeteria. I almost dropped my lunch…okay, I _did_ drop my lunch. But could you blame me? I saw the guy one time on my way home from the supermarket. Then, suddenly, almost four months later, he was right there! In my face! Not literally, but you get the jist.

He always sat in a group with consisted of mostly jocks and cheerleaders. I was surprised when I heard that he was dating the head cheerleader (that was sarcasm).

He laughed at something someone on the football team said. I'd bet anything that his laughter was musical.

…Okay, next time I thought anything sappy, someone please slap me. Okay? Okay.

"Mother—!" I yelped when someone kicked me in the shin. **Hard**.

Poor shin. It never did anything wrong.

"Served you right for not listening to me," Wufei gave me a smug look, humor dancing in his eyes. I swore to God he was a sadist of some sort.

"What were you staring at?" Quatre asked me while he looked in the direction I was.

I felt my face flush with embarrassment, "Nothing. Here, let me throw away the trash." I offered.

I picked up our garbage and quickly headed toward the trash bins. I wasn't thinking while doing it, otherwise I'd have noticed that the only ones near us were the ones near _him_. Cautiously, I threw the food wrappers away, and tried my hardest not to stare.

I was about to pass by his table unnoticed when a girl called out my name. See what I meant? They all wanted me.

"Hey! Aren't you Duo Maxwell?" Okay, so she hadn't really 'called out', more like 'asked'.

I turned toward the table. A cheerleader had asked me the question.

Honey blond hair, sky blue eyes, a full mouth, Elvin nose, she was very pretty. Especially as she smiled at me like that. I thought her name was Relena, but I would have to ask Wufei to verify since he knew everyone.

"Yes." I tell her while putting my thumbs in my pockets. It was a nervous habit of mine, and I was definitely nervous since all the jocks and cheerleaders were suddenly giving me their undivided attention.

"That means that you played Benvolio in _Romeo and Juliet_, right?"

"Marcutio," I automatically corrected. "Why do you ask?" Most people teased me for being in drama.

Her eyes seemed to light up, "I loved the part where you cursed the families!"

"Thank you."

Honestly, I don't know why everyone always made such a huge deal out of the play. I knew for a fact that I could have acted much better. I had really let myself down on the days we had preformed; I had gotten pretty sick during the time but refused to go home. On the last night of performance, at the part where my character died, I fainted during the part where I was supposed to fall. My fever was so high that I passed out. It was a major disappointment for me, and even though it made me happy that others thought I did a wonderful job, I knew I could have done so much better.

"I thought that you sucked."

The voice froze my insides and I slowly turned my head in the direction where it had came from. _He_ had spoken to me!

His eyes burned into mine, which made me feel like a helpless fly caught in a spiders web. I hadn't expected them to be so blue.

"You played the character half-assed." He continued.

The comment struck a nerve, but instead of lashing out I allowed a crooked grin to spread across my face. Who the hell did this guy think he was? He might've been cute, but what a _dick_.

"Really now?" I asked him, my voice terse and the grin still on my face. Our eyes had yet to part.

"Heero," The blond girl scolded him.

Heero, huh? I'd have to ask Wu about him when I had the time later.

He was still looking at me.

My grin turned into a cheeky one. "Thanks for being honest; you're the only one who noticed how bad it was." I bowed dramatically, arms spread. "My hat off to you good sir. Tell me the next time you're coming to a play, if I'm in it I'll do my best."

I stood back up and took my leave.

Despite the fact that the guy practically insulted me and came off as a complete asshole, I still felt like a giddy school girl. The fact that he had actually seen one of my plays excited me.

As I sat back down at my usual table, I ignored the questions that my friends were asking me, and stared off into space.

He knew that I existed, now I had to get to know what he liked. I had to know everything about him. Yes, that was right. I, Duo Maxwell, had to become somewhat of a stalker.

* * *

**TBC**

* * *

Originally posted: 11/1/07

Reposted: 7/21/11

* * *

**MoonLLotus**: I was re-reading this fic the other day and I realized how cute it was, and also how many grammatical errors it had lol. And while I'm not the best when it comes to grammar, I'm better than my younger self was.

If a person is reading this again, I hope you don't mind the slight changes I made. I just wanted everything to run smoother.

That aside, please feel free to review. Flames are always welcome.


	3. STEP II

Title: **How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy**

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.

Summary: I'm Duo Maxwell, an all in all sexy beast. Just about every girl wants me. Unfortunately for them I'm as straight as the letter 'S'. And unfortunatly for me I just so happen to be crushing on the straightest guy in school.

* * *

**STEP II: Observe Him**

* * *

I never realized how much I saw him on campus until I realized that we went to the same school. His name was Heero Yuy, he was in my grade, and was the quarterback for the football team. By being on the team, it meant that he would be at practice every Monday and Wednesday after school. Which meant that I could watch him as much as I wanted without coming off as a total creeper.

I even had an accomplice. Quatre insisted on following me during practice days, he even explained the basics of the game to me. Not that any of it ever stuck.

"You know, if Wufei knew that we were here watching the guy you're lusting over, he'd have a fit. I just don't know why you just don't make friends him." Quatre mused, leaning back onto the bleacher behind him.

I chuckled, "And what should I say? 'Hello there, remember me? I'm the guy you called a shitty actor! I've been stalking you for a while now, want to be best buds?'"

Quatre shrugged, "If that's how you want to start things off. I just don't feel all that comfortable stalking the poor man, I mean so far you've followed to the supermarket, the gym, the movies, the mall, and all over school. As a good friend I've been with you all the way, but this is not healthy Duo."

I rose an eyebrow at him, "You sure it's him you're stalking Quat? I mean…there are a lot of good looking guys on the team, and wherever he goes one of the football members is there."

He blushed. Apparently I had hit the nail on the head. "No, there is no guy; I just came to support you, seeing as I _am_ your best friend."

"Your blush gives you away, bro." I yawned.

He laughed nervously, face turning red from forehead to collar. "Shut up."

Down on the field, my eyes followed Heero doing laps with his fellow team mates. "So, who's the lucky guy?"

Quatre shrugged, standing as before practice was even halfway done. "It's getting cold out here, let's go back to your house."

I nodded, "Sure."

"Hot cocoa, hot cocoa, ooooh how I love my cocoa!" My younger sister sang as we sat down at the kitchen table.

Hilde was only ten months younger than me, so we're pretty close. I have an older sister too, she's a senior in college now, her name's Lucrezia, but she went by her middle name which was Noin. Hil and I rarely saw her, only when she came home from work at night, but the three of us got along ok.

"Are you over Heero yet?" She asked as she gave each of us a mug of cocoa. "Because then you can start dating Quatre, he's already part of the family!"

Quatre's face flushed, "Noooo."

"Alas Hilde, he shot me down because he's already in love with someone else." I put a hand to my face and pretended to weep, "He gave his heart to another right about when I was willing to trust him with mine. Woe is to me!"

He frowned a bit, "Am I that obvious?" He then lets out a small sigh, "What do you think I should do about Trowa then?"

I shrugged, "You can always do what I'm doing."

My blond friend laughed, before taking one last drink and stood up. "I'm going to head home. It's almost curfew."

I walked him to the door and watched him mosey down the pathway and onto the pavement.

* * *

"Hey Wufei! I missed you so much!" I jumped onto my friend's back and wrapped my arms around his neck. God I love teasing him.

He tensed up and pried me off. "Duo! Personal space!"

I sighed. Ever since I could remember he's been so worried that people were going to think that he was gay as well. Not so much that he'd stop hanging out with Quatre and I, but a little more than the heterosexual adolescent.

We walked toward our first class, but stopped at the sound of high-pitched giggles.

"Great, the banshee's are at their usual perch," Wufei scoffed.

Said banshee's consisted of a group of cheerleaders. A few of them with their jock boyfriend. One of them being Heero himself.

As the first bell of the day rang, the group finally began to break up. I watched as Heero kissed his girlfriend and walk off toward his own first period. It was stupid of me to get jealous, it would only figure that he had a girlfriend and that he would be straight. I was just being stupid. Still, I couldn't help but get my hopes up.

"I can't believe that he's like, going to break up with her!" I heard someone whisper.

I turned my head slightly and noticed two of the cheerleaders at their lockers behind me.

"I know right! Heero and Relena are one of the cutest couples in school! I can't believe that he's going to dump her!"

I remained quiet and slightly in shock for a few minutes, maybe fate was on my side.

"Snap out of it, we're going to be late if we don't get inside the classroom in the next minute. And I really don't feel like getting detention on a Friday." Wufei sighed while nudging my elbow.

Second period I had with Quatre, who luckily sat in front of me.

"Hey, point out Trowa later at practice," I whispered to him before our teacher came back into the classroom from standing out in the hallway.

He nodded shyly, "No problem."

English is my worst subject, I just always found it so boring. So I focus all of my attention on my plan to win over Heero. If he was going to break up with his girlfriend, then it gave me a chance. Right? That's if Heero's interested of course. The next step was to be his friend, how the hell was I going to do that?

"Ugh," I muttered, and it took all of my efforts to not slam my head down onto the desk. I could tell that all of my sighing and fidgeting was starting to annoy Quatre because he tensed and looked like he was contemplating reaching around to hit me.

I rested my head on my arms and closed my eyes for a brief moment, knowing that the teacher wouldn't really notice if I took a quick nap.

* * *

The lunch lines were always ridiculously long. I stretched while waiting for my turn next. Maybe I'll buy pizza today.

Someone was crying behind me. A shallow, breathing, typeof crying that made one immediently feel pity. As slyly as possible, I glanced over my shoulder.

"It's alrighty Relena," The hushed voice of one of the cheerleaders tried comforting the honey blond girl.

Cheerleader two nodded in agreement, "You can do so much better than him."

There were a few more girls surrounding her.

Relena stood in the center, dabbing her eyes with a crumpled tissue and sniffling quietly to herself. The tip of her nose was red, and her eyes were watery, but she looked as if she were trying to hold it together as best as she could.

"He's not a jerk," She managed to choke, "I must've done something wrong." She looked heartbroken.

It made me feel guilty. Because I was still selfish enough to still want her exboyfriend.

"Poor Relena," Quatre whispered while saddling next to me in line, "Rumor had it that she was planning on sleeping giving Heero her v-card during winter break."

We quickly got our food and moved away from the flock of cheerleaders. Making our way to our usual spot.

Wufei was already there, eating his packed lunch and doing some homework. "I'm assuming that you two have heard about the golden couple breaking up. According to Dorothy, Heero had been planning this for a while."

"Still, what kind of heartless bastard breaks up with someone in the middle of the school day? And right before lunch too?" The blond next to me asked, opening a bag of chips.

"Are you and Dorothy an item or something? You talk to her an awful lot." I pointed out while taking a bite of my pizza.

Wufei smiled, "No, we're more like buisness partners."

Hilde walked up to our table, some fries in her hands, "Hey, did you hear the latest news about Heero and Relena?"

"Who hasn't? It's old news." Wufei answered, not even bothering to look up from his homework.

Hilde ignored him and grinned, "I have the perfect plan for you guys to bring that princess off of her high horse, because she thinks that she's going to be back with Heero."

"What's your plan?" I asked.

Her eyes caught an evil glint, "Well, you two," She pointed to Quatre and I, "can dress up as cheerleaders at the next football game, and when they do that pyramid thing, you can push Relena off and that will end up with her in the hospital." She finished her plot with an evil cackle.

The three of us gave Hilde disbelieving looks.

"That's something you do in a B rated comedy or in a bad fanfic." Quatre suddenly said.

Hild shrugged, "Hey, in my imagination it's funny." She said while moving a piece of long brown hair out of her face before disappearing off to her friends.

"What a weirdo," The blond beside me snorted.

That was when an idea popped into my brain. A brilliant idea! "Dude! Wu!"

He glanced up from his work, arching an eyebrown in question.

"Do you think Relena's pretty?" I asked excitedly, practically hopping in my seat.

He looked at me suspiciously, "She has a classic beauty about her. Why?"

"Well, if you're willing, I have a mission for you." And from there I began to explain my plan.

* * *

Quatre and I were once again on the bleachers, watching the football team practice. This time, we had cups of hot cocoa with us.

"So, where is he? Who's the man that you chose over me?" I teased.

Quatre laughed, "If he shows up, I'll point him but."

We watched them practice for about half an hour. Then the guy that kicks the ball over the field goal thingy walked out. (Ha! I'm learning!)

Quatre grinned widely, "That's him. That's Trowa."

He didn't have a helment on, and I could see his brown hair falling over one eye in an emo type hairstyle. He was on his way back into the locker room.

"We should go," The blond beside me suddenly said, "We have to study for that Chemistry test tomorrow."

I stood first, taking a leisure sip of cocoa and watching as he stood as well. Only, my friend managed to slip on his own feet, and fell over the side of the bleacher.

"Quat!" I ran over, only to see the fact that Trowa had managed to break his fall. Upong closer inspection, it was easy to see that the guy was handsome. With brown hair, green eyes, and an olive complection.

"Careful there," His voice was gentle and soothing. He had a hand around the blond's waist, keeping him steady.

Quatre was blushing something fiercly, "Sorry about that, I lost my footing."

"It's alright," Trowa smiled, moving away from my friend, "Just be more careful next time."

I snapped back into reality and looked back at my friend. "Quat! You alright down there buddy?" I asked before jumping down, landing on my feet perfectly. All those forced years in gymnastics paid off.

"Kat?" Trowa repeated.

"Jeez man, sorry that Quat fell on you. Are you alright?" I asked him.

"It's no problem," He waved his hand nonchalantly, "And I'm fine, thank you."

I grabbed Quatre by the shoulders," Thanks for catching Quat. It would have been horrible if we had to go to the emergency room."

Trowa nodded.

"Well, we owe you one. Bye!" I waved at him while leading Quatre away. "Come on, we'll go study for that test you were talking about." I told him.

"Um...okay Duo," Quatre finally spoke up, peeking back over his shoulder at the jock we just left behind.

When we're in my neighborhood my friend turned and gave me a tight hug, "I can't believe he touched me!"

I sighed and patted him on the back awkwardly.

Then his arms were suddenly limp at his side and he groaned. "Ugh. I made such a _fool_ of myself! He must think I'm a total _dork_!"

I laughed. "Then that makes two of us."

"Duo!"

Hilde is once again in the kitchen by the time we get tom my house. The first thing I noticed about her was that her long hair was up in a beanie, making her look bald.

"What's up?" I greeted her while getting Quatre and myself snacks. The blond was at the kitchen table, getting our notes and textbooks out.

"Nothing much." She replied, making herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. As she turned to put her knife into the sink, her beanie got caught on the pot rack, causing her to fall backwards onto the kitchen floor.

"Are you okay?" Both Quatre and I asked from the table.

"Yeah," Hilden managed to answer after cursing a storm.

After finding out she was okay, I couldn't help but laugh at her clumsiness.

"It's not funny!" Hilde yelled as she stood back up. The sight of her hair caused me to shut up quickly.

Her hair, once beautiful and chestnut colored, is now cut. Short. Boyish. And _ purple._

The two of us at the table gape at her.

"I pray to Allah that's a wig, Hilde," Quatre was the first to speak.

"Why?" She snapped in that oh-so teenage way.

"Because when Mom sees it, she's going to _kill_ you," I told her, still in shock.

Hilde put her hands on her hips, "My body is my temple Duo."

"Well your temple is going to be in ruins once Mom and Dad are through with you." I replied easily. "Jesus Hil, Quatre and I only left you alone for two hours, and in that small amount of time you did _this_ to yourself?" I motioned to her hair.

She grabed her beanie and walked out of the kitchen, sandwich in hand.

We watched her leave in silence, before Quatre spoke up, "What do you going to do with Heero now?"

I shrugged, "I don't know man, we'll burn that bridge when we cross it."

* * *

**TBC**

* * *

Originally Written: 12/5/07

Rewritten: 7/13/12

* * *

**MLL**: It took me forever to redo this chapter. There were so many inconsistancies. Anyways, I know this fic is utter crack, but I can't help but continue. Please review, flames are always welcome. FORGIVE THE ERRORS. I don't have a beta or spellcheck.


	4. INTERMISSION I

Title: **How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy**

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.

Summary: I'm Duo Maxwell, an all in all sexy beast. Just about every girl wants me. Unfortunately for them I'm as straight as the letter 'S'. And unfortunatly for me I just so happen to be crushing on the straightest guy in school.

* * *

**INTERMISSION I**

WUFEI'S POV

* * *

Duo Maxwell was an idiot.

I couldn't understand what the big deal was, how hard was it to talk to someone? Honestly, if it were me, this all would've been done and over with quickly. I would either make friends with the person, or I'd at least know if they were interested in me or not. I don't believe in pining.

Unfortunately, Duo couldn't be as smart as me. Nor did he have any form of common sense. Instead he conjured up this ridiculous plan. This wasn't his first time being stupid, and I knew for a fact this wouldn't be the last time either.

I had no idea how I had gotten dragged into this nonsense.

I, on the other hand, was currently looking around the cafeteria with a purpose. I was doing exactly what Duo had asked for me. Not to help with his idiotic notions. But because I was a fool with this idiotic crush on this stupid girl whom had just broken up with her boyfriend. Said boyfriend was the exact same one that my friend wanted to jump into bed with.

Relena was easy to spot, I quickly made my way over to her. She was sitting alone, reading the Charles Dickins book that we were told to read for AP English.

"Hello Wufei," She smiled kindly up at me. It had been nearly three weeks since her ex had crushed her heart.

Unlike my friend, I had actually gotten somewhere with the little side task that was assigned to me. Relena was a good friend of my closest cousin Merian, and although I didn't know about it until a few days ago I had made my move smoothly. Relena and I had a few classes together, but we met formally through my cousin, and within that first hour we had gotten into a heated debate about politics. It had been surprisingly fun.

"Hello Relena, would you like to sit with us today?" I asked, trying not to show how nervous I was before her. I held on tightly to my lunch tray.

The two of us had been on speaking terms with one another around campus, and had even worked together on a few assignments. But it wasn't until today that I had the nerve to finally ask her to eat lunch with us.

Ever since their breakup Relena had nowhere to sit. She and her ex were in the same group of friends, and she didn't have the strength to be at the same table with him.

Despite the fact that she knew about Duo's crush and plan via Merian, she smiled up at me. "Yes, please."

According to my cousin, the blond confided that her ex was more than likely gay, and she had been his beard since they were children. I had yet to say anything to Duo about it, not wanting to give out false information.

She followed me over to the other side of the cafeteria.

Quatre grinned at the sight of us approaching; Duo looked as if he were choking on air.

"I hope you two don't mind," I said to them while I gave them pointed looks.

My own selfish plans were that Relena and I were to be an item by winter break. It was a coincidence that my objective happened to coincide with that of my friends'.

* * *

**TBC**

* * *

Originally Written: 3/13/08

Rewritten: 7/19/12

* * *

**MLL**: Mostly just filler. I don't even remember originally writing this chapter. Please review. Flames are always welcome.


	5. STEP III

Title: **How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy**

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.

Summary: I'm Duo Maxwell, an all in all sexy beast. Just about every girl wants me. Unfortunately for them I'm as straight as the letter 'S'. And unfortunatly for me I just so happen to be crushing on the straightest guy in school.

* * *

**STEP III: Ask Permission**

* * *

Relena had been sitting with us for over two weeks now. It's been five weeks since she and Heero fell apart. And six weeks since I first saw him at school. Six weeks since my plan had been set into motion. So far I've made very little progress.

But, Relena sitting with us had to mean something. Right? She sat right next to Wufei, taking Quatre's old seat and forcing him to sit next to me.

I slid in next to Quat, he had been watching the two across from us arguing about politics.

"They're dating now," The blond next to me muttered lowly so that they couldn't hear us. "I'm pretty sure about it. Look at them; they're practically having brain sex."

The only female in our group chose that time to realize I was there and gave me a warm smile, which slightly dazzled me.

Shit though, if they're already together than I've got to rearrange my plans. If Relena and I ended up being friends than I'd have to get the okay from her to go after Heero. There's a fifty percent chance that she'll say yes. And if she does, then she could tell me things about him. If she says no then...well let's just hope she'll say yes.

"Oh Duo, you left this on Friday," Wufei said as he pulled my notebook from his bag and passed it to me.

Crap, if I left it then there's a chance that he had read it. That's a bit embarrassing. This notebook had my entire plan, step by step. Along with all of the revisions that I had made over the last several weeks.

"Gee...thanks for giving it back," I smiled sheepishly.

The conversation eased onto another topic.

"My brother's having a party on Friday if you guys want to come? My parents are going out of town for a long weekend to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary, and I'd like to have people I know there," Relena said.

"Crash a college party? That sounds fun," I grinned.

Quatre frowned worriedly. He was such a goody-goody and it felt as if his father practically owned him. He was never allowed to do anything fun, no matter how many times we've invited him.

"Relax Q, just say you're spending the night at mine's or Wufei's place that night," I stated.

He merely nodded.

The bell rang, which signaled the end of lunch.

I followed Wufei to his locker, "Dude, what the hell?"

Wufei arched a questioning eyebrow at me, "What?"

"When did you and Relena hook up? Where the hell was I when this happened?" I frowned a bit. I mean really, I hoped he wasn't just using her to help me out.

"Firstly I'd like you to lower your voice because Dorothy's down the hall and I don't want the whole damn school to know about it," He began calmly, "and secondly everything happened this weekend. She and my cousin are friends."

"Jeez, you move fast man," I stated, crossing my arms lazily over my chest.

"It's been two weeks." Wufei shrugged, "And I get what I want when I want it. I'm not the type to sit around and make rules and guidelines for myself to follow." He slammed his locker shut.

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Ouch Wu, not even trying to be subtle about that jibe are you?"

"No, I'm not. Duo, I just don't understand this whole process of yours," He told me, "what's so hard about asking? Or talking to him? It's not like he's a God or something, just do it."

I glared at Wufei, clearly seething.

As the warning bell rang I turned heel and stormed off to class.

* * *

I didn't stay after school with Quatre to watch the football team. Instead I went to a coffee shop that wasn't too far from campus. Most students went there after school, so it wasn't as though I stuck out.

I sat down in a corner, trying to ignore the world and act like the angry teen that I was. Nobody understood me and it was me against the world! I was being too dramatic there...maybe I should've angsted instead of fumed. Or maybe I _should_ just talk to Heero already, like get to know him and stuff.

"Duo?"

I looked up and noticed Relena standing there across from me with an uncertain smile on her pretty face.

* * *

Someone explain to me how I ended up being behind the football field stadium while the school was abandoned with Relena Peacecraft?

"You know," Relena started, "I've come to realize there are about four stages to the whole 'oh shiz' factor."

Huh? What was she talking about? Apparently my face showed my confusion, so she continued.

"You know, it starts with 'oh snap'; goes to 'oh crap' , progresses to 'oh shit', and eventually, when one is comfortable enough, it evolves into 'oh fu—'"

"I get it," I cut her off and grinned. Oddly enough this whole atmosphere brought up my mood.

She merely smiled at me, "Well I just wanted to make you feel better. Wufei told me you guys had an argument."

I rose an eyebrow, wondered what else 'Fei told her.

"Quatre is over at his house, and I figured that this would be a great chance to get to know you better. As cheesy and nerdy as this sounds, but I do want to lie down a foundation of friendship with you," she shrugged sheepishly, "I'm sorry, admitting it makes me sound so selfish."

Immediately I felt guilt flood throughout my being. I felt ashamed of myself. Jeez, part of me wished that Relena was a cruel bitch. It'd be easier to take Heero that way. Alas, she wasn't, and therein lied my problem.

She continued to smile at me, "Ok, so we've successfully trespassed and all that, but honestly this would've been a better idea if it were summer. Would you like to come to my house? It's a ten minute walk from here."

I merely nodded, not even bothering to mention that my house was only a two minute walk away.

* * *

Relena's house was way bigger than mine. The best word I could use to describe it was mansion. The foyer itself was probably as big as my bedroom. The floors were all tile, or marble...marbled tile? The ceilings were high, there was a chandelier hanging right above our heads.

I followed Relena deeper into the house, despite its size the house seemed cozy and warm, like a home. Which surprised me, but at the same time not really, Relena came off as a warm person so her home being warm should be expected.

We walked up to the staircase which was in the middle of the house, right before the entryway to the kitchen.

"Milli! I'm home!" Relena yelled up the stairs.

"Milli?" I asked her.

"My older brother."

As soon as she said those three words a tall, mysterious, handsome (sexy as hell!) long blonde haired man walked down the stairs from the second floor. He was wearing skinny jeans which suited his super long legs perfectly, a red turtleneck and black boots.

Wait a second...I swear I've seen her brother before.

"Where are you going Milli?" Relena asked innocently, next to her brother it was obvious that she was still just a kid.

"To the publishers, who's this?" He asked, his voice was deep and was soothing to hear.

"This is Duo," She then turned her heard to look at me, "Duo, this is my brother Milliardo."

"Hi," I said feebly.

"A pleasure," Milliard nodded at me before looking back at his sister, "I must be going now. If anyone calls for me tell them that I'm in a meeting."

"Yes Milli." Relena replied simply.

"I'll be back home later tonight. It was nice meeting you Duo," And with that he turned a corner and disappeared.

* * *

I looked at Relena; we were in her kitchen enjoying some cocoa while listening to the radio. Her older brother had left a little while ago, not seeming to care that a random boy was left alone with his dear baby sister, maybe Relena did these types of things all the time?

Said blonde suddenly turned her sharp blue eyes to me, "Duo, may I ask you a personal question?"

I nodded, a little confused.

"Are you gay?"

I nearly choked on my beverage, "What?"

"Gay, you know homosexual? Do you prefer someone of the same sex as a life partner or such and such?" She asked with a straight face, which made me feel totally awkward. Not that I'm uncomfortable with my sexuality, I've just never had someone out and ask me before.

"Uh...yes." I answered, unsure of myself all of a sudden. Something about the way Relena looked while she asked me...she intimidated me for a second.

"Good, then my request shouldn't be too hard," Relena suddenly said, taking me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?" Oh yeah, that was my intelligent response.

She gave me one of her typical sunny smiles, "Well you see there's this friend of mine. My best friend in the entire universe actually, and he's in the closet and I was wondering if you could help him out a bit. Woo him. Help him feel more comfortable with his sexuality."

I stared at her for a bit, letting her "request" sink in. She wanted me to go out with her best friend? What the hell? God, I should just tell her I have the hots for her ex and get it over with! Damn it Duo, you're such a pussy at times.

"Um... why me? I mean, what if I'm not interested?" I asked her cautiously, eyeing her.

"I'm asking you because you seem like his type, as a matter a fact he has noticed you before many times. If you're not interested then that's fine, but at least give him a chance." Relena nodded to herself while answering.

I let her answer sink in for a moment, "Who's this 'friend'?"

Relena gave me a beautiful smile once again, "I thought it was obvious. My best friend's Heero of course."

* * *

**TBC**

* * *

Originally Written: 10/27/08

Rewritten: 7/19/12

* * *

**MLL**: Ah, to reread all of this while fixing it reminds me of how I was when I was 16 and originally coming up with the idea. Please review. Flames are always welcome.


	6. STEP IV

Title: **How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy**

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.

Summary: I'm Duo Maxwell, an all in all sexy beast. Just about every girl wants me. Unfortunately for them I'm as straight as the letter 'S'. And unfortunatly for me I just so happen to be crushing on the straightest guy in school.

* * *

**STEP IV: Confront Him**

* * *

I grinned at Hilde, she and I were sitting across from each other at the kitchen table.

"The 'rents won't let you go to this party Duo," Hilde answered, because we both knew the truth.

"Ah, but that is why I don't mention the party my beloved baby sister." I answered calmly, even though I hated lying.

"What party are you guys talking about?" Noin asked from the kitchen, she was home for once, and was cooking dinner.

"The one over at the Peacecrafts," Hilde answered.

Noin looked over at us and nodded, "I can take you if you're going Duo." She said calmly while stirring the spaghetti.

I could feel my face brighten up, "Really?"

My older sister nodded nonchalantly, "Sure, on one condition."

I immediately gave her a suspicious look, "And what would that be?"

"You know Relena Peacecraft, right?" Noin asked, not even bothering to look over at the table where Hilde and I sat.

"So?"

"Introduce me to her brother."

I blinked. That was it? "Sure, I could do that, no problem."

Hilde looked over at Noin, "Why do you want to meet Relena's older brother?"

Noin's ears turned red, "Haven't you ever heard of Zech's Marquis?"

Hilde perked up in her seat, "As in the famous romance novelist?"

Noin nodded, "Yeah, well, that's his alias. His real name is actually Miliardo Peacecraft."

Hilde gasped, "Oh my gosh!" She then turned to look at me, "DUO! You _have_ to get me an autograph!"

Needless to say I was lost and confused beyond all hell, but I nodded nonetheless.

* * *

Friday came by quickly. Wufei, Quatre, and I made our way to my house almost immediately after school. We didn't even bother to watch the football team practice.

We each had our lies all in place. My parents were going out of town for the weekend to visit some of their old college friends, which left Noin in charge of the house.

Hilde was sleeping over at her friend's house for the weekend while Wu and Q were staying with me. As for Noin? I had no clue; she could do whatever she wanted.

"Merian's going to be at the party as well," Wufei groaned. We were in the living room watching some random movie that was on TV.

"Why?" I asked, not really caring all that much but I felt the need to make conversation.

"She and Relena are close friends. She's going to be sleeping over at Relena's house tonight actually." He frowned and crossed his arms.

"Isn't she the cousin who's a lesbian or something?" I pondered, knowing that he had mentioned something like that just the year prior.

"Shut up," Wufei muttered.

Quatre laughed, "Oh well, no private time for you and Relena. Hopefully your cousin won't steal your new girlfriend."

Wufei rolled his eyes and we continued to watch the movie, eventually the three of us began to doze off.

I woke up to someone poking my face, and through half lidded eyes I could see it was Wufei.

"Hm?" I asked him while sitting up a bit.

"You passed out on my legs, and now I can't feel them." He hissed.

I sat up all the way and noticed Quatre asleep on the other side of the couch, curled into a fetal position.

I rubbed my eyes and looked over at the time on the cable box, 7:50 showed in green.

"Time to get up and start getting ready anyways," I muttered while standing and stretching, "I'll take a shower first, that'll give you time to regain blood flow into your legs." I grinned at Wufei before going over to my room and getting what I needed.

I see it like this: at a party you have to look good. Hell, in my opinion you always have to dress good. Quatre and I have a motto: "You should always look your best because you never know who you'll run into".

I took my shower as quickly as I could, blow drying my hair afterward and placed it into its usual braid before putting on some dark denim jeans and a black long sleeved shirt with cool silver cross and skull designs all over the right shoulder and right side of my chest. I topped it off with thick socks, and my black Jordans.

By the time I was done it was nearly 8:20, Wufei was waiting for me impatiently before taking his turn in the shower. Quatre was still unconscious on the couch. I guess Wufei didn't have the heart to wake him.

"Quat, wake up man." I shook him a bit.

His aquamarine eyes fluttered open, "What time is it?"

"Eight thirty, Wu should be done with his shower soon." I said in a soft voice, a sleepy Quatre always reminded me of a puppy.

Quatre took in a deep breath, "Ok."

Wufei came out at 8:45 and Quatre almost immediately rushed in.

By the time 9:30 came around the three of us were dressed, fed, and waiting on my sister to show up so that she could take us. We played video games for a bit before getting bored of that and just lounging on the couch.

Noin came home from work around ten at night, by this time the three of us were finishing our homework.

She nodded at us, "Good, you guys are ready. Let me just take a shower and change."

The drive to Relena's home was short since she barely lived fifteen mintues away by foot. There were cars parked up and down the block, and we had to go almost two streets over in order to park. Even then finding a space was a mission.

"All of these people are here for Milliardo's party?" Quatre asked in awe.

"Looks that way," Wufei muttered.

Noin parked, instructing us to leave our jackets in the car just in case we lost them in the house. We walked the two blocks quickly.

"If anything happens, we meet at the car, got it?" Noin asked before we reached the open door to the house.

The three of us nodded.

The party was in full swing by the time we got there, people were swarming the place. The air had a smoky hue to it, music was blasting from somewhere, and drinks were everywhere.

"Wufei!" Relena's voice cut through the crowd, the loudest of the bunch. The small blonde girl made her way to us, Merian trailing behind her.

Noin seemed have vanished the moment she stepped through the foyer.

"Do you guys want to come upstairs with us?" Relena asked, practically yelling it over the music. I was surprised that the neighbors hadn't called the cops yet.

Wufei and Quatre nodded. I scanned the crowed, anxious to find Heero, but at the same time I didn't want to get swallowed whole by the sea of people.

"Sounds like a plan!" I yelled back at Relena.

Relena grabbed Merian's hand, who grabbed her cousin, who grabbed Quatre, who took a hold of me. In line formation we made our way to the stairs, there were baby gates there, basically preventing anyone from going to the second landing. It wouldn't come as a shock if all of the doors upstairs were locked as well, just in case.

The moment we made it to the stairway we let go of each other and followed Relena.

Upstairs there was another living room, with a large TV and two sofas.

We walked past it and to an equally large room which had a pool table, foosball table, another TV with a couch, a poker table, and computer.

Sitting on said couch were none other than Heero and Trowa.

"This is the game room." Relena announced while closing the door behind us. She walked up to a cooler that was next to the couch.

"Refreshments." She stated while pointing down at the cooler.

"Would you guys like something to drink?" Merian asked us as she reached for a soda.

I looked around the room, purposely avoiding looking at Heero. I felt like a little kid at one of my parents parties. Stuck in a separate room with all of the other kids.

"Introduction time!" Relena smiled, "Heero, Trowa, this is Duo, Wufei, and Quatre. And you've already met Merian."

Heero arched his eyebrow at Wufei, "So this is the new boyfriend I've heard so much about?" He asked while standing to shake our hands.

Relena beamed. "Yes!" She seemed so happy to have Heero acknowledge Wufei.

Trowa looked Quatre and I over, "I've met you guys before, unofficially," He gave Quatre a charming smile.

The blonde blushed, "Yes, I never got to thank you for catching me."

"It's no problem," Trowa replied smoothly.

At that moment Heero came to shake my hand. I don' t know if it was just me, but the moment our skin touched it felt like an electric spark shot up my arm and went throughout my body. I felt warm instantly.

His blue eyes widened a fraction before he quickly let go of me.

I wasn't the only one who had that felt it. That gave me hope.

We sat on the couch in silence, watching MTV while trying to ignore the fact that the floor was vibrating beneath us.

"Do you guys want to play a game?" Merian suddenly asked blue, she was probably just as bored as the rest of us.

"What kind of game?" Wufei gave her a suspicious look.

"'I Never'. It's a drinking game," Merian grinned.

Relena shot up from her position next to Wufei, "Oh that sounds fun!"

She got up and went to the cabinet that was next to the TV, pulling out a bottle of vodka and some shot glasses, Merian moved to help.

The five of us guys watched as they set up on the poker table.

"Come over here guys." Relena smiled at us disarmingly.

Slowly we trekked over to the table, taking the closest seats available.

"How do you play?" Heero asked curiously as Relena filled each glass.

"The rules are simple," Merian began, "you basically say something you've never done before. Whoever has done it has to take a shot! For example, I say I've never swam in a pool. Let's say that Relena has, because Relena has she takes a shot."

Relena nodded, "Merian can go first since it was her idea. We'll go clockwise after that."

The Asian girl grinned and looked at her cousin, "I've never had to wear glasses."

Wufei rolled his eyes before taking a shot, making a slight face before refilling his glass.

"It's your turn Trowa," Relena said.

"I've never fallen off of bleachers before," He stated with a slight smirk.

Quatre took a shot and refilled his small glass, gagging slightly.

"I've never kissed a boy," Heero said, watching as almost everyone except Wufei took a shot.

I grimaced at the burning sensation the alcohol left, my eyes watered slightly.

"I've never had sex," Relena giggled, we watched as Trowa, Quatre and Merian took shots. Quatre looked like he was going to be sick; it was only his third shot but as far as I knew he had never really drank before.

"I've never gone streaking," Wufei said while mock glaring at his cousin.

Merian chuckled as she took a shot.

"I've never had braces," Quatre hiccupped. Wufei, Merian, and Trowa took a shot.

It was now my turn, what should I say? "I've never…I've never dated Relena." I then laughed at the silliness of what I just said. Heero and Wufei took their shots.

The game went on until almost two of the large bottles of vodka were empty.

To say we were all tipsy was a bit of an understatement. After thirteen shots I was pretty sure that my holding onto the table was the only way to stay stable.

"Let's play musical chairs!" Quatre suggested, and we did.

We played musical chairs rather clumsily, duck duck goose (which wasn't such a good idea since we could barely walk), and some random hand games before Heero suggested strip poker. By this time we were on our third bottle of vodka.

"Where the hell do you keep pulling these bottles out of Relena?" I asked as she poured everyone more shots.

Relena struggled with her sentence, "The cabinet is magic."

Wufei grabbed her and gave her a wet kiss, making them both break out into laughter.

Quatre was passed out on the couch. Heero came up next to me with a black Crayola marker, "Want to draw on him?" He asked me.

"Fuck yeah!" I took the marker from Heero and wrote 'pnus' on Quatre's forehead. Making everyone giggle madly. Quatre didn't stir in his sleep, he was dead to the world.

We eventually calmed down enough to sit at the poker table where Trowa shuffled and dealt cards out. It was only halfway through the first hand that I realized that I had no idea how to play poker. Which resulted in my losing, badly.

It was around the time I had lost both of my socks and shoes as well as my shirt that the music downstairs stopped.

"What's going on?" Merian asked, she looked down at her watch, "it's only 2:00, too early to end it."

"COPS!" A voice from downstairs screamed. The noise downstairs was pure panic.

"Oh shit!" Relena gasped, she was suddenly very sober, "Someone wake up

Quatre! Duo put on your clothes!"

Trowa awoke Quatre, who was dazed and confused but listened either way.

"You guys can go out through the balcony." Relena hissed in a low voice, pushing open the French door which I had thought was a window "There's a …a…a vine holder thingy that you guys can climb down on."

I had finished putting on my shoes by the time we heard the police make their way into the home.

The five of us ran toward the open door, climbing over the ledge. I was the last one down, as I climbed over the ledge I noticed Relena and Merian were getting rid of the empty bottles of vodka and putting away the shot glasses.

The cold air hit me like a ton of bricks as I stumbled my way down, falling on the last part and landing on my back on the frost covered grass.

"Fuck," I hissed before getting up and running like everyone else.

I picked up my now wet shirt and threw it over my head as I ran further from the house, slipping my arms through the sleeves. Not that it did much of a difference now that the shirt was soaked from the frost. My sore back made it a bit difficult to keep up with the others.

I watched Trowa ran off one direction while Wufei and Quatre went in another.

Heero grabbed me while everyone was running out into the woods, which surrounded the backyard, rushing toward their own rides.

"Dude, we need to go!" I stated frantically. The last thing I wanted was to get Milliardo and Relena in more trouble than they were probably already in.

Heero glared at me for a moment before smashing his lips against mine, he pulled back a half minute later, "I've been thinking of doing that all night." He then let me go and ran in the direction Trowa had gone.

…..HEERO YUY JUST KISSED ME….

I blinked a few times in a stupor before I shook my head and hauled ass to my sister's car.

* * *

I woke up to the sun shining down into my eyes, my nose stuffy and my throat sore. I groaned and turned over in bed only to literally roll onto Quatre. Moving onto my elbows I noticed Wufei on the other side of him. We were all still wearing the same clothes from last night.

Speaking of which, what the hell exactly happened last night? Everything was a bit of a haze.

I coughed a few times, ugh, my head hurt. I groaned at the realization that

I was sick. What was worse was that I never really did get to talk to Heero last night.

My plan failed.

* * *

**TBC**

* * *

Originally Written: 11/21/08

Rewritten: 7/24/12

* * *

**MLL**: And there we go, I hope everyone liked this chapter, I enjoyed writing it. Please review! Flames are welcome; they'll keep me nice and toasty lol.


	7. INTERMISSION II

Title: **How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy**

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.

Summary: I'm Duo Maxwell, an all in all sexy beast. Just about every girl wants me. Unfortunately for them I'm as straight as the letter 'S'. And unfortunatly for me I just so happen to be crushing on the straightest guy in school.

* * *

**INTERMISSION II**

QUATRE'S POV

* * *

Few people knew this, but I hated the cold. I hated the winter, it's my least favorite season.

It was my freezing cold bedroom that woke me up in the first place. I chose to ignore it as best as I could, reaching for another comforter instead. My cell read 4:30, way too early for me to get up. Snuggling deeper into the warm sheets, I conked out once more. Having sweet dreams about a certain green eyed Adonis.

My cell phone blared right next to my ear, I groaned and rolled over, reaching it without moving, and without even bothering to look at the caller I.D I answered.

"What?" I mumbled into the receiver, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

There was a slight cough from the other side before a raspy voice spoke, "Hey Quatre, I was wondering if you could drop your notes from class off later today?"

I blinked a few times, rubbed the rest of the sleep out of my eyes, "Duo? You sound terrible."

He gave a weezing chuckle, "I'm still sick."

My memory immediately kicked in. Duo had been sick all Saturday and Sunday too, and from the sound of it he hadn't gotten any better.

I smirked, "Serves you right for writing the word penis on my forehead."

He laughed again, coughing a bit toward the end of it, "I've already apologized for that on Saturday."

"Yeah, _after_ you and Wufei laughed for a good twenty minutes at my expense." I sighed while sitting up, "But ok, I'll bring the notes to you today, no problem."

"Thank you so much Q," Duo sniffled.

"Yeah. Bye Duo, get plenty of rest." I stretched, arching my back as far as I could.

"I will, bye." Duo then hung up.

I stared at my phone for a moment, waiting for it show me the time. 6:40AM.

"FUCK!" I practically yelled.

I only had ten minutes before my bus showed up at the bus stop which was located two streets down from my house.

I was halfway done with brushing my teeth when there was a knock on my bathroom door.

"Quatre, are you decent?" My older sister, Iria, asked from the other side.

"Come in!" I said around the toothbrush. I looked at the mirror, at myself. My hair was cow licked and everywhere, my face was still oily and unwashed, my clothes were rumpled due to the fact that I had thrown on whatever I had found. I looked like a horrible mess.

Iria opened the door cautiously before noticing me, she leaned against the doorframe. "Would you like a ride to school today Quatre?" My sister asked me with an amused look on her face.

I nodded while rinsing my mouth out.

"I leave at 7:15." And with that she took her leave.

I grabbed my cell from the bathroom counter where I had left it, 6:53AM. I had missed the bus anyway, 7:15 gave me plenty of time to look decent. Not enough time to shower, but I _had_ done that before I went to bed. Shrugging to myself I grabbed my face wash and went back to work.

* * *

The car ride to school was silent for the most part, the radio was on low, and it looked like my sister wanted to say something to me, but wasn't sure how.

She cleared her throat a few times, but I remained silent, I wasn't what one would call a morning person. I hated the mornings. Personally I thought that school should've started after eleven and end at three, but that was just my opinion.

"Rashid popped the question last night," my sister blurted out, a stupid smile on her face.

"Wow, congratulations." I smiled at her. I liked Rashid, he and Iria had been together since high school, Rashid had just finished college with his masters in engineering about two months ago, he was just beginning his career and making decent money. Iria on the other hand was still going through med school.

"We've decided to move in together, so we're going to be looking at houses this weekend." She told me while making a turn into the school parking lot.

"Wow," I repeated, there was really nothing else to say.

"Here we are school!" She smiled widely at me, "Have a nice day baby brother."

"Thank you for the ride." I told her while getting out, closing the door behind me and walking deeper onto campus. I needed to go to my locker. It wasn't until I was halfway through my first period class did Iria's words finally sunk in.

She was moving out.

That would leave Father and I alone in that house.

Don't get me wrong, I loved my father. It was just that he was very strict with me, and because of that I usually missed out on a lot of things that normal people did while in high school. My high school experience had been mostly scholastic, there was no fun needed when there was so much work to get done. According to my father I couldn't afford to drop my GPA. With Iria gone he might get worse.

Fuck.

That was my favorite word. Don't give me that look! I wasn't a saint, just a normal teenager. And it just so happens that the F-bomb was my favorite one to say.

* * *

I took notes in the classes that Duo and I shared, waiting for the minutes to pass by so that I could hurry to lunch and just relax. I wanted to take a nap with all honesty.

The bell rang and I gathered my things quickly before making my way toward the cafeteria.

Wufei was already there by the time I took my seat across from him, slamming my head into my arms as soon as I sat.

"Bad day?" He asked in an amused tone.

"I just don't want to be here." I answered truthfully.

"Hi guys," Relena's voice came from somewhere to my left, "I hope you don't mind our guests."

Eh? What guests?

The chair next to me was suddenly filled with a warm body, and the sound of another chair being dragged to the other side of Relena suggested another person.

"Is he okay?" A soft, low, voice asked. It sent shivers down my spine and my heart went into my throat. I knew that voice.

Cautiously I peaked up from my arms. Trowa T. Barton sat next to me, taking up the spot that Duo usually does.

Heero sat on the other side of Relena. I vaguely wondered how well their relationship was now, I meant… they _did_ date? How did Wufei feel about their relationship? With Heero apparently now being a part of our small group? How did he feel about Relena still talking to Heero? I stored all of these questions away to be asked later.

I glanced back up at Trowa, "I'm fine, thank you for asking. Just a little tired is all."

Olive green eyes warmed and he nodded.

"Where's Duo?" Heero asked.

"Home, sick." Wufei replied, "Speaking of which, could you drop my notes off as well Quatre?"

I nodded, "sure."

Lunch continued on from there, Trowa even shared half of his cookie with me, feeding me for the day. We managed to start a conversation on classical music when the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch.

My next class was band, so in my opinion that was a good way to end the day.

"Hey, Quatre," Trowa began. He was walking me to my class, which made my heart swell in size.

"Yes Trowa?" I asked, enjoying the way his name felt on my tongue.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go to the mall with me after school." He glanced down at me, a small smile on his handsome face.

"Sure," I answered, and then paused, "wait. I have to drop off Duo's notes."

"I'll do it," The sound of Heero's voice made me nearly jump out of my skin. I hadn't even realized he was following us.

"Did you guys plan this?" I eyed them both while reaching into my satchel to retrieve the notes for Heero. I'm not sure how Duo would feel about me giving out his address, but seeing as he _was_ trying to get together with Heero, I didn't think he'd mind. But, it made me wonder, did Heero have his own agenda? His own stupid plan?

I hand the notes over to Heero, along with directions to Duo's house. He nodded, thanked me, and went on his merry way to class.

The hallways were starting to empty, until it was only Trowa and I were left.

"The bell's going to ring soon." I stated.

Trowa nodded before gently pushing me against the wall, out of sight from the band room.

"Trowa?" I asked, suddenly feeling very nervous.

He kissed my lips, it was sweet and soft and warm and gentle and perfect. I kissed back just as softly. I had been waiting for him to do that since the moment I saw him.

It was a short kiss, but it was special nonetheless. He kissed my forehead afterwards, "I'll be right here after class," he told me, and his warm breath caressed my forehead.

"Okay," I breathed. He then turned and walked out of the music building, I could see him through the glass school doors walking towards the drama building right across the way.

The bell rang.

"Fuck." I swore under my breath. I was late.

Band was a blur; I couldn't wait until after school. I sincerely hoped that Duo wouldn't mind my picking Trowa over him this one time.

* * *

**TBC**

* * *

Originally Written: 12/10/08

Rewritten: 7/25/12

* * *

**MLL: **Done. I love Quatre**. **


	8. STEP V

Title: **How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy**

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.

Summary: I'm Duo Maxwell, an all in all sexy beast. Just about every girl wants me. Unfortunately for them I'm as straight as the letter 'S'. And unfortunatly for me I just so happen to be crushing on the straightest guy in school.

* * *

**STEP V: Get To Know Him**

* * *

"Maybe I should just give up on Heero. These steps obviously aren't working." I said to my pillow.

Needless to say that I was more than a little bored. But my thoughts were true. I should've just listened to Wufei and just come right out with my feelings. I then began to cough.

I had been coughing, wheezing, sneezing and was just plain miserable all day. My mom had homemade soup for me in a thermos in case I got hungry; she was worried that it was more than just a cold. My dad, well, he wasn't as worried.

I slept most of the day away, never wanting to stay out of bed for too long due to the aches of my body and the lack of warmth outside of my blankets. Being sick just plain sucked.

Around 3pm was when I was expecting Hilde to come home with Quatre in tow. I honestly didn't feel like getting up and changing out of my pajama's for Quat, so the only thing I really did was re-braid my hair so it didn't look so much like a rats nest.

I was lounging on the living room couch when the front door opened. Revealing Hilde and..._Heero_?

Oh. FUCK. Were the only two words I could think of.

Heero Yuy was in my house and I was in my dumpy pajama's with my hair looking like shit. I knew I sounded like a girl, but damn it I always try to look good.

I threw the blanket that was covering me over my head. I curled up into a ball and pretended to be asleep.

"Oh, he's sleeping," Hilde whispered while walking around the couch. I could feel her eyes on me, she knew I was faking. I never slept with the blanket over my head.

"That's okay," Heero's voice was in a whisper as well, but his sounded husky and sexy. I squeezed my eyes shut, the last thing I needed was to be ill and horny. That was the worst feeling in the world.

"Just place the stuff on the coffee table, would you like anything to drink or eat before you go?" Hilde asked Heero sweetly.

"No thank you, I'll just be on my way, you have a good evening."

"You too, Heero."

The front door opened and closed again. This time I could hear the door being locked.

"He's gone, you faker," Hilde stated while throwing a couch pillow at my head, "you're such a girl, why were you pretending to be asleep?"

"Because I look terrible Hil', why did you let him in?" I asked before coughing into the blanket.

"You sure you don't have a vagina?" Hilde asked with a smirk.

"Shut the up, bitch." I laughed-wheezed, "You're such an ass."

"And you're a bleeding vagina," She snickered before going into the kitchen to get food.

I reached for my homework that was on the coffee table. So much damned homework, damned teachers!

"By the way," Hilde called from the kitchen, "Heero said he'd call later to check up on you. I gave him your cell number. Hope you don't mind."

I could already feel my nerves on fire, "Why did you do that?"

"You know, I ran into Heero on the way home, and I asked him if he wanted me to just give you those notes, but he insisted on coming with me. I think he likes you Duo." She was thinking out loud, it was obvious.

Even though I acted annoyed at Hilde, I don't think I loved my baby sister any more than I did at that moment.

"I mean, you're such a pansy when it comes to this guy. Get to know him better. That's why I gave him your number," Hilde said after a few minutes of silence.

I got off of the couch and followed her voice into the kitchen, sniffling miserably to myself. "Why was Heero here instead of Quatre?" I wondered.

"Trowa took him home. Heero offered to come instead," She gave me a smug look, "it's almost as if Heero and Trowa planned it."

"Wow," I said, taking in the information just fed to me. Digesting it, and smirking. Damn, it tasted good.

* * *

Hil and I were doing our homework together when Lu burst through the front door, making a direct beeline towards us.

"Duo!" She practically cried, "I need your help!"

Hilde and I looked up at our older sister. It was needless to say that we were confused.

"Hello to you too," I said sarcastically.

"It's your day to cook dinner by the way," Hilde added before going back to her Algebra II homework.

"I need you to try and help me hook up with Miliardo," Noin said immediately, not even bothering to beat around the bush. But I guess I liked that most about my older sister, she always went straight to the point.

"How am I gonna do that Lu? I've only met the guy once," I said before going back to my English IV homework.

"You're friends with his sister right? Put in a good word for me damn it!" Noin looked at me with puppy dog eyes, "Please do this for me?"

I sighed, but before I got to say anything to her my phone began to ring from my room, which made me literally jump out of my seat at the dining room table and rushed toward my bedroom.

The number was foreign to me, which made me leap for the phone, took in a deep breath and said in a sardonically cheerful voice, "Road Kill Café, you kill it, we grill it. How may I take your order?"

The line was quiet for a minute before I got an answer. "Hello…is Duo there…?"

I gasped and fell off of my bed. "Heero!"

"Ah. So it is you, I thought it was your voice."

I sat on the floor of my bedroom in complete silent for a second, in shock. Before I shook myself out of my stupor with a sniffle, "What's up?" I asked, realizing how dumb I sounded only after I had said it. Damn me, I'm usually such a suave guy!

"Nothing really, I was calling to see how you were doing and to tell you about rehearsal tomorrow. I'm helping out with the play, and volunteered to call everyone and remind them of rehearsals," he stated in his usual monotone voice.

"Oh, I see," I replied, a little disappointed, and then I realized that I had an idea. It was pretty brilliant, "Heero, do you have Relena's cell number?"

He went silent for a moment before replying, "Yes, why?"

So then I explained my plan to hook Noin with Miliardo.

"You're insane Duo, I'm not sure if Zechs would fall for it, but I'll help if you need me to," Heero offered before giving me Relena's number, which I gladly wrote down.

"Oh, you're offering? Sweet, you were already recruited when I told you. Wait…Zechs? That's his pen name right?" I asked; a little confused.

He gave a little chuckle, which sounded so damn sexy to me, "Yes, that's the name he prefers."

Now that I recruited Heero to help me out, it was killing two birds with one stone for me, because I got to spend quality time with Heero while I helped my sister out. I'm a genius, seriously.

We stayed on the phone for over an hour after that, talking about random nonsense. I never expected that I would be this happy over just a phone call.

And that's when I fully realized something myself.

I was in love with Heero and I barely knew him. What the hell was wrong with me?

Being in love wasn't as great as Hollywood made it sound, you know?_Especially_ if it was unrequited. It hurt more than felt good. And I was beginning to get annoyed with the butterflies in my stomach and my heart beating a mile a minute. In fact, I was beginning to think that it's a bit unhealthy.

Also, the fact that I felt as if I was making a fool of myself every time he was around was a bit embarrassing. And yet…and yet, I still wanted to be with Heero. I still wanted to care for him. I still wanted to get his attention.

Wufei was right about me.

* * *

I called Relena shortly after Heero and I hung up. She was a little confused at first, but as I said before, I'm a suave guy. After explaining everything she immediately jumped on board.

"Of course I'll help you!" Relena sounded too excited for my liking, "I want Mili out of my hair. A girlfriend would be perfect. And imagine, if they stay together then we can be in-laws! And then I'll marry Wufei and we'll all be family!" She gushed.

I've got to hand it to Relena, she knew how to amuse me, "What about Trowa and Quatre?"

"You don't know?" Relena asked me, a bit calmer than before, "Trowa and Heero are second cousins."

I then laughed, all of us being in-laws would be awesome, but also because this showed me just how small the world really was.

After an hour of talking to Relena on the phone I went back out to the dining room, dinner was already being served courtesy of Noin.

"You owe me Lu," I stated in a matter-a-fact tone.

"Why do you say that Duo?" She asked while sitting down across from me. Our parents had yet to come home.

"I'll tell you more about it when the weekend comes." I said, evading her question quite well in my opinion.

Noin looked like she was about to say something else but Hilde cut her off, talking about some guy in her Chemistry class.

* * *

Was it just me, or do you also feel like school's a prison after not being there for a while? Granted I had a lot to make up, but by lunch time I was all caught up and ready to get my happy ass home.

What really surprised me was that Trowa as in my usual seat next to Quatre…ok so it didn't surprise me that much. But the fact that both he and Heero were now sitting at our table along with Relena was a surprise. I mean, at the beginning of the school year it was just the three of us, now we had a full table.

"What're you guys all doing this weekend?" Relena asked cheerfully while dipping her chicken tenders into honey mustard sauce.

"What do you have in mind?" Heero gave her a questioning glance.

Wow, they were good. See, this was all part of the plan.

"We should all go to the movies. Make it a big group thing!" Relena smiled. She seemed a little too happy for my liking, but I guessed she was just excited.

So we then all began to talk at once, well that's exaggerating a bit, but we all did rush into the conversation. Discussing movies that had come out and around what times we should meet up and ect.

"I'll bring Merian," Wufei offered.

"Oh yeah, do bring her," Relena beamed, "I'll drag my brother along, he needs to get out of the house more."

"I'll bring my sisters," I stated.

"Are you going to bring your sister Trowa?" Heero asked. But Trowa just shook his head while taking a swig of his Apply Juice.

And so, my plan for this Saturday came together without a hitch. For once a plan of mine was going along perfectly. It made me happy.

* * *

I skipped rehearsal after school. I saw no point of going when I really didn't want any part of the school play. If I could be lighting that would be cool. Plus I really didn't want to work with our new teacher as the director.

Cathy Bloom was Satan's Secretary, I swear this to God. She was a slave driver and a half. But she got the job done. Ms. Bloom wanted me to audition for the lead role, she liked me as an actor, but I really wasn't that interested in a modern version of A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Lu was home when I got there and I told her that everything was running smoothly before going to my bedroom and taking a nice long nap. Dreaming happy dreams about Heero.

Wait…Heero was on the committee for the school play…and I skipped rehearsal. Aw, damn it!

* * *

Saturday came quickly, well at least for me it did since I was only in school two times this past week.

I noticed how both of my sisters dressed adorably girly while I tried my best to remain looking like the boy in the group. It was getting harder to do.

We piled up in Noins car and headed out to the theater around eleven in the morning. I know it's early, but tickets are matinee (three dollars cheaper than regular!) and also it gave my sister and Zechs the entire day for themselves.

Heero, Trowa, and Quatre were already there waiting for us in front of the theater. As soon as we all said our greetings Relena, Zechs, Merian and Wufei showed up. We went in line to buy our tickets and got snacks, all the while making sure Zechs and Noin were in front of us the entire time.

As soon as those two entered on theater together the rest of us went into another. We ditched them. All we could really do now was wait and see if they got along. It wasn't my problem anymore, time to enjoy my day out with my friends. I hoped Trowa's truck would have enough room in the bed for all of us in case Noin and Zechs decided to leave without us.

* * *

**TBC**

* * *

Originally Written: 2/11/09

Rewritten: 7/25/12

* * *

**MLL: **This fic is halfway done. I feel accomplished.


	9. STEP VI

Title: **How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy**

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.

Summary: I'm Duo Maxwell, an all in all sexy beast. Just about every girl wants me. Unfortunately for them I'm as straight as the letter 'S'. And unfortunatly for me I just so happen to be crushing on the straightest guy in school.

* * *

**STEP VI: Befriend Him**

* * *

It was the last football practice of the year for the senior players, so needless to say Quatre and I were sitting our happy asses on the freezing bleachers as usual.

Trowa was out to kick, and we watched him, amused with his body language. He looked so relaxed, like he wasn't even bothered by the cold. Granted, spring was right around the corner, the frost was melting and we no longer had to wear more than two layers, but Trowa made it look like a fresh summer day.

I looked over at Quat, "So… how far have you and Tro gotten? First base? Second base? Second and a half?"

Quat furrowed his eyebrows before laughing a bit, "What's second and a half?"

I wagged my eyebrows suggestively before taking a fisted hand in front of my mouth and moving it closer and further, my tongue making a bump from the inside of my cheek, in perfect sync with the hand motion.

Q's face flushed, "No! Dude, we barely know each other!"

I grinned and shrugged, "That's good I guess, no blowies for you or Tro until you're ready." I nodded at him.

He sighed, "What about you? How's your plan going?"

"I'm thinking of just trying to be his friend," I stated before quickly adding, "for now."

"Wow Duo, that's so smart of you. Listening to mine and Wufei's advice now after months of us telling you this," Quatre said, sarcasm laced in his words. But no matter how much a prick Quatre was trying to be, it only made me throw my head back and laugh.

* * *

The next day after school found me with the rest of the drama whores listening to Cathy go on about the play. Luckily I was stuck with lighting. This meant I got to sit up in room behind the audience and press buttons. Had this been ten years ago I would've been stuck up in the rafters, how I love technological advances.

Cathy wasn't happy with me, I had missed the audition, and it seems she really wanted me to be in the play. It made me feel a little guilty.

I wasn't really needed that day, I knew what I had to do, but right now it was focused on the actors memorizing everything. I was grouped in with the set makers.

"Hey, Duo," A cast member, Alex, called me over from his position of painting a town, "can you get me the can of blue paint? It's next to Cathy's seat."

I looked over at Cathy's seat, off of the stage and where the audience would be. "No prob," I said, walking towards the steps.

Unfortunately that was when Trowa came in, Heero following. I'm embarrassed to say that I had missed step, promptly falling off of the stage and hitting my head.

My eyes snapped open and I gagged. Moving away from the horrid smell which brought me back.

"Glad that you're alive," Cathy's voice said from above me, "you have a pretty nasty bump on your head. Do you want me to call your parents?" She asked while giving the smelling salts in her hand to someone to be thrown away.

"What about giving me head?" I asked, confused.

She laughed nervously. "Oh jeez. Stay where you are. Do you need me to call 9-1-1?" Her lavender eyes peered at me. "What's your mom's number?"

"Wha-?" I asked her, still slightly confused.

"You fell off of the stage." Trowa said to me, the other drama whores were all looking at me worriedly, "You may have a concussion. Cathy's calling your parents so that you can be taken to the doctors and be checked out."

"What's your name?" Heero asked, from behind him I could hear Cathy on the phone.

"Duo Maxwell," I answered automatically.

"Do you know what year it is? What date?" He inquired. I guess to make sure I didn't have something wrong with me.

"Uh, yeah?" I then proceeded to tell him.

After about ten more minutes of what seemed like interrogation, Heero let me be.

"Ok," Cathy came back up to me, "You mom wanted to know if you were okay enough to walk home. She says she's a nurse?"

"Yeah," I confirmed.

"I don't want you walking. Heero, take him home." She ordered.

Heero merely shrugged before carefully helping me up. Trowa handed him his car keys.

I took my bag from Heero, grateful that he didn't offer to carry it; I didn't need him to emasculate me.

"Where's your stuff?" I asked him a bit belatedly as we walked to the school's parking lot.

"In Trowa's truck." He answered easily as we made it to said truck. The ride was spent in silence. My head was pounding the entire time.

We made it up to my front door in record time.

"Here we are," I said awkwardly.

Heero nodded, watching me pull out my house keys.

"Do you want to come inside or something?" I asked, I sounded like a dork.

"I should be heading back." Heero declined politely, yet neither of us made an effort to move.

"You want to hang out sometime? Like go to the arcade or something?" I suddenly blurted out.

Heero looked at me for a moment before nodding, a small smile on his face, "Sure. We'll make definite plans later. For now, just make sure that your head is okay."

I nodded, he nodded again, and then we went our separate ways. I felt like jumping up and down, happy to have finally made some type of move. If it weren't for my headache.

I wasn't surprised to find Hilde and Lu was both sitting at the kitchen table. Looking like identical twins at that too. What with each of them doing their homework table while drinking hot cocoa and eating from a plate of gingerbread men cookies. And then there was that damn purple hair.

Both looked up at me when I entered the house. Their blue eyes following my every move. It was unnerving.

"_What_?" I finally snapped.

Hilde sniggered while Lu shook her head.

I grinned at them, setting my own things down at the table and starting my own homework. My head didn't feel so bad anymore, and I was pretty sure that I didn't have a concussion. Although I had a sinking feeling that they had spied on Heero and I before I unlocked the door. But it didn't matter, because this was the real beginning of mine and Heero's beautiful friendship.

* * *

**TBC**

* * *

Originally Written: 4/28/09  
Rewritten: 7/25/12

* * *

**MLL: **A big thank you to the three people who're reading this revamp. You know who you are.


	10. INTERMISSION III

Title: **How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy**

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.

Summary: I'm Duo Maxwell, an all in all sexy beast. Just about every girl wants me. Unfortunately for them I'm as straight as the letter 'S'. And unfortunately for me I just so happen to be crushing on the straightest guy in school.

* * *

**INTERMISSION III**

RELENA'S POV

* * *

It didn't surprise me to see Heero on my doorstep after school. He usually came straight after practice. The last practice of the year had come and gone. Heero was no longer a football star, and I was no longer the head cheerleader. It happened so quickly, our reign over the school during the last four years was coming to a rather abrupt end with graduation only a few months away.

I let Heero inside of the house, leading the way toward the kitchen. It was my firm belief that the kitchen will always be the heart of any home. I glanced at Heero, on the surface he looked as calm and collected as usual, but his eyes gave his emotions away. He was annoyed.

"So, what happened this time?" I asked, pouring two cups of ginger tea.

Everything that was going on between my best friend and Duo amused me. They had been hanging out together for a while now, and it didn't seem as if their relationship was going any further than it had gone. According to Heero they should have reached at least second base already.

"Hn," Heero began, but paused as he took a tentative sip of tea, "that braided idiot obviously can't read signs to save his life."

I felt a smirk make its way onto my face, "I'm pretty sure Duo's literate Heero. Maybe the signs you're throwing his way are incomprehensible?"

He frowned at me.

My face broke up into a grin and a giggle escaped, "He's Heero illiterate!"

Blue eyes narrowed and gave me a deadpanned look. I thought my joke was brilliant. If Trowa were here he'd laugh himself to tears.

"You're jokes are crap 'Lena," Heero stated, drinking some more tea.

"Trowa likes them," I pointed out.

"Trowa has a horrible sense of humor." He countered.

I rolled my eyes at him. "What exactly did Duo do to make you irked?" I asked, shifting our attention back to the original topic.

"We went to the movies and saw that latest horror film, and I did that stupid move of putting my arm around his seat," Heero shrugged, "that didn't work. So I put my arm around his shoulders." He paused for a moment, his eyes trained on his cup.

"Go on," I egged.

"Duo looked at me, finally, and asks me if I was ok. He asked if I was scared of the movie." He glared at the cup.

"And?" I wanted to hear the rest.

"I told him no. So he then asked, 'then why are you holding on to me for dear life?' and I immediately dropped my arm and shifted away from him for the rest of the film." Heero sighed pathetically.

I looked at him for a moment before laughing, earning myself a nasty glare. Yes, I was laughing at Heero's misfortune. If your best friend can't laugh at you, who can? Right?

"This whole situation between the two of you is so pathetic!" I breathed between laughs, "Just kiss him already!"

"It's not that simple!" Heero frowned again. The seriousness of his tone made me regain composure, "I'm not like you or Trowa. I can't just go up to someone and ask them out."

I sighed and touched his arm, "Oh Heero, there are plenty of ways to go about this."

"Are you sure he's gay?" He was looking down at his feet, which were covered by a pair of ugly mustard yellow converse.

I nodded, "Trust me Heero. I know for a fact that he is. And I also know for a fact that he likes you."

"I just don't know if this is worth it 'Lena. I mean, we're all going to be graduating this year. With our luck we'll all be sent to different schools. What's the point of starting a relationship toward the end of the school year? This could all be a waste of time." He sighed again.

I frowned at him, "Even if this is a waste of time, you know as well as I do that this is one of the best ways to help you cope with your sexuality. Even if you and Duo don't end up together, or the relationship is short lived, you won't be able to look back and regret not doing it. And what's more, you'll be able to take something from this and learn from it."

His deep blue eyes gave me a searching look, and I nodded vigorously in order to convince him.

* * *

Heero left about an hour later after we worked on some homework together. But what he had said left an impression on me, because he was right. Where was all of this going? What was going to happen to Wufei and I once we've graduated? Deep down I knew the answer to that, Wufei wanted to go to Stanford. I wanted to go to Brown.

I closed my eyes and pushed my hair back into a messy low bun. I had finally landed me the guy that I've always wanted, but once we leave high school, was that the end of our relationship?

With a heavy sigh, I rubbed my face with my hands. There was no point in getting depressed about this now! There was no point in thinking about all of this now. I should just enjoy the time that I have with Wufei.

Thinking about Wufei left me wanting, so with a shy smile I picked up my cell phone and dialed his number. We've been together for only two months, but I was ready to have him and let me have me all the way.

He was a little hesitant at what I was suggesting, but nerves were only natural since we were both still virgins. Eventually I managed to talk him into it, and he made his way to my house around seven in the evening.

* * *

Wufei left my house at midnight with one last passionate kiss. Around twelve thirty I heard my parents come home. They had been away on business over the last week.

With a happy sigh I looked around my bedroom, my bedside lamp had been on for the entire night so far, and I spied a pair of black boxers crumpled on the ground. I let out a small laugh as I got out of bed and shimmied into the boxers, enjoying the feeling of them against my skin. Throwing on a tank top, I quickly changed my bedding before turning off the light and dozing off into a stress-free sleep. I would shower in the morning.

If anything, I'll just have to push Duo in the right direction tomorrow during school. Though right now, my thoughts were filled with Wufei, and just how much I loved him.

My eyes immediately flew open. Did I just admit to myself that I was in love with Wufei?

Oh. Fuck.

* * *

**TBC**

* * *

Originally Written: 5/7/09

Rewritten: 7/26/12

* * *

**MLL:** I love making Heero an insecure teen. And I like Relena.


	11. STEP VII

Title: **How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy**

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.

Summary: I'm Duo Maxwell, an all in all sexy beast. Just about every girl wants me. Unfortunately for them I'm as straight as the letter 'S'. And unfortunately for me I just so happen to be crushing on the straightest guy in school.

* * *

**STEP VII: Avoid being Awkward**

* * *

The shifting of my bed woke me up around 12:20 in the morning. It took me a moment to recognize that extra weight was Wufei.

"What the fuck man?" I mumbled, incoherent and not even bothering to ask why he snuck into my bedroom via my window and was currently getting all cozy in my bed with me.

"Just go to sleep, we'll talk in the morning," Wufei whispered. And for probably the first time in our friendship I seriously took his advice and fell right back into a pleasant dream.

* * *

My alarm went off at 6:30, which usually gave me plenty of time to wake up, freshen up, and prep myself up for the upcoming day. My bed was empty, which made me almost believe that Wu sneaking into my room last night was a dream. And I would have thought that too had I not found him in the kitchen having breakfast with Hilde.

I sat down to the pancakes that Hilde had made and began to dig in, pouring syrup on the side of my plate so that I could dip my food. "Pray tell Wu, why did you sneak into my room last night and then proceeded to snuggle me?"

Hilde giggled.

Wufei smirked, "You wished I'd snuggle against you," he joked, "although seriously I snuck in here because this is where my mother thought I spent the night. And I didn't want to technically lie to my mom."

"So where were you really?" Hilde asked, curiosity shining through her blue eyes. She's a pretty nosey person now that I thought about it.

Wu shifted in his seat for a moment or two, seeming to squirm under our gazes, his face turned an interesting shade of pink before he opened his mouth and answered in a low voice, "...I was at Relena's. Almost all night."

Hilde and I both stared at him. Everything seemed to pause and go quiet before my sister took Wufei's hand and grinned at him. "Oh Wufei! You've grown up so fast!" She teased as she squeezed his hand tightly before letting go, a knowing smile on her face.

My own mouth twisted into a Cheshire grin, "Congrats man. Wow," I took in a breath and studied my friend for a bit. He did look a little different. A little more mature almost. It was amazing. When Quatre had gave his virginity to Dorothy (yes, THE Dorothy. The school gossip) back in tenth grade he had a similar look to him.

A part of me knew that if I didn't really know Relena, I would've thought she was easy. But 'Lena wasn't, and this relationship must've been getting serious if she was willing to do that with Wu.

"Looks like you're the only virgin left Duo," Hilde smirked.

I arched an eyebrow at her, "Oh?"

My younger sister shrugged with a knowing look still on her face. If she had sex before me, then I knew for a fact that I was a loser.

We finished the rest of our breakfast in comfortable silence.

* * *

Relena accosted me on the way to the lunch room since Quatre went back to the lockers to get something or other.

"What's up Relena?" I asked casually while heading to the ever growing line.

"We have a problem Duo," She frowned at me, her eyebrows furrowed slightly.

I gave her a questioning look, "We do?" I was more that confused. Since when did Relena and I develop a problem? I thought we were pretty cool.

"You're so blind Duo Maxwell," She shook her head at me, and for a moment she reminded of my mother whenever I did something that disappointed her. It made me uncomfortable.

"What did I do?"

Relena let out a heavy sigh, "You and Heero went to the movies yesterday, right?"

"Um, yes?" I answered while moving with the line. Relena continued to stand next to me.

"He put his arm around you, right?" She asked, it felt as if she were spelling out the problem to me like I was some sort of moron. And usually I would say something snarky or sarcastic toward someone who treated me this way, but she was reminding me of my mom so damn much that I was afraid to.

I nodded, "What's your point here 'Lena?"

"My point is, how can you miss such obvious signs Duo?" She arched an eyebrow at me, "I mean, he was practically holding you in the theater!"

I picked up a slice of pizza, a giant cookie, and a water bottle, placing the items on my tray. I noticed how Relena copied me, only getting curly fries instead of pizza. "I did notice."

At this statement she looked a little surprised, "Oh my God! Duo! You're the one wanting to be with him, I know all about your little plan and am even trying to help you. If you hadn't noticed, almost all of us are trying to help you. And the moment he managed to gather the courage to make a move you shot him down?"

We paid for our food easily and began walking to our table, which was located on the other side of the cafeteria.

"He makes me feel awkward Relena. All the time. It's hard for me to act cool around him, and when he put his arm around me I just kind of...froze." I frowned.

My dirty blonde companion groaned, she sounded as if she understood, "Okay, I get it. But if you don't make a move or something soon Duo, Heero's really going to give up on you."

I nodded, and took that piece of information. I didn't even know that Heero _liked_ me that way until Relena said it. Now I'll felt even more awkward, but at the same time empowered. He _liked_ me! It shouldn't be that hard for me to ask him out.

But as Relena and I sat down in our usual spots, I realized that it wouldn't be that easy to ask Heero. I could barely engage him in a proper conversation without messing up and making myself look foolish.

I spent the rest of lunch quietly contemplating a way to show Heero that it was okay to like me and vise versa.

* * *

I rejoined the drama whores after school to see exactly what Cathy needed of me. After an hour of working on the lighting and getting everything perfect for opening night, I packed up my stuff and began to leave the school grounds. Like the last time Heero was waiting for me.

"You're gonna make walking me home?" I teased he only gave me a deadpanned look and followed me as we made our away across the football field.

The grass was all slushy due to melted ice, but there was still some solid parts and that had caused me to slip and fall back. Heero managed to catch my arm and prevent me from landing.

"It looks like you need someone to make sure you get home in one piece," He joked. His hand grabbed my other one in order to steady me, it seemed like he was going to let me go once he realize I was balanced, but I kept a firm hold of his hand with my own.

"Erm..."Was the only intelligent thing I could think of saying, I could feel my face flush as I looked down at my shoes before glancing back up at him. I had just realized, not only were we flirting, but I didn't want to let go of him.

His eyes darkened a bit with some unknown emotion, but eventually he gave me a small sheepish smile as the two of us made our way to my house. The walk was done in a comfortable silence, neither of us mentioning the fact that we hadn't let go of each other's hand.

Heero's hand was slightly calloused, but warm and dry. It felt strong, powerful, and safe. I loved the feel of his skin against my own.

We got to my driveway too quick for my liking.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Um...yeah..." I stated lamely, we had yet to let go of each other's hands.

Heero nodded, looking happy, "Yes, tomorrow."

Neither of us made an effort to move. I had a feeling that he wanted to kiss me, and I wanted him to kiss me. It felt like we were moving closer to one another, gravity pushing us together.

My house's garage door opening suddenly, causing us to literally jump apart, a good three feet between us.

Hilde came out of the house, towing her bike next to her. "You're home! Awesome, you can come with me, put your stuff inside and get your bike." She smiled prettily at Heero, "Hi Heero! Walking my brother home? You're such a sweet guy!" She practically gushed.

"Hi Hilde," Heero greeted civilly, he then looked back at me, "I'll see you tomorrow then."

I nodded, "yeah."

With one last secret smile Heero turned around and began to walk back to the school.

"Was I interrupting a moment?" Hilde asked as I passed her to enter the garage.

"Nah, don't worry about it Hil. I'm sure there'll be plenty of other's." I assured her, taking my bike down from the wall rack my dad had put up a long time ago.

My sister smiled sweetly at me, "Good."

I threw my backpack down by the bike rack and moved my black bike next to Hilde's purple one. Not even bothering to ask her where we were going.

"Hey Duo," Hilde started as she closed the garage behind us before catching up to me at the bottom of the driveway, "You made these plans to get Heero, and it looks like they're working. Ever thought of trying to come up with a plan to rule the world?"

I let out a bark of laughter, "Me? Rule the world? Nah, I think Relena would be better at it. She could be Queen of the World!" At this thought we both began to laugh before pedaling off towards whatever destination Hilde led us in.

* * *

**TBC**

* * *

Originally Written: 5/2/09

Rewritten: 7/26/12

* * *

**MLL**: Short chapter is short. 4 more chapters left.


	12. STEP VIII

Title: **How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy**

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.

Summary: I'm Duo Maxwell, an all in all sexy beast. Just about every girl wants me. Unfortunately for them I'm as straight as the letter 'S'. And unfortunately for me I just so happen to be crushing on the straightest guy in school.

* * *

**STEP VIII: Play Hard to Get**

* * *

Heero had been acting a little strange for the last week or so, it made things a tad bit awkward between us. Although, what did I expect? He liked me. I liked him. Neither of us had made a move. Aside from that one time we held hands.

This was getting a little annoying, but I didn't want to be the only one putting somewhat of an effort into our budding friendship. Yes, I'll call it a friendship, because it had yet to evolve into anything else. Maybe I was just being a little bitch about it? Maybe Relena was wrong? But I knew that I was being irrational about both. I wasn't being a bitch and Relena sure as Hell wasn't wrong.

I glared at the back of Heero's head, we were hanging out at a local bookshop in the mall and he was looking at some indie CDs. I just wanted to kick him in the shin. Hard.

Maybe it was me? Maybe I was playing too hard to get?

I frowned and thought back to the steps that I had written for myself back at the beginning of the school year. Wasn't I supposed to play hard to get? Girls did that all the time. I suddenly blanched, I wasn't a girl!

"You okay?" Heero asked me, concerned. Obviously he had seen the sour face I had made.

I grinned, "Yeah, I'm cool," and technically that wasn't a lie, because it was rather chilly in the small store.

The blue eyed Adonis made his purchase and we made our way to the food court to find some eats. When we ran into Relena and Merian I nearly cried tears of joy. Being with Heero was starting to get a tad bit unbearable. Not in a bad way! But I really just wanted to jump his bones half of the time, and he seemed too dumb to notice.

Merian smiled when she saw us, "Hey boys! Out on a _date_?" She asked, her voice emphasizing on the word 'date'. I shifted away from her all-knowing gaze.

Relena shook her head, "Please Merian, these two aren't a couple. Not. Even. Close."

The Chinese girl rose an eyebrow and shrugged, "Oops, sorry if I offended," she then let out a little giggle. Something that would have surely made any straight guy forgive her, but not I.

I shrugged, and looked away from our small group.

Heero stood there, bag in one hand, and looking completely lost.

"Would you two like to join us for lunch?" Relena suddenly invited, trying to fight the stifling atmosphere that seemed to just be emitted from Heero and I.

I shrugged again, not entirely against it.

Heero copied my movements but answered, "Sure."

Lunch wasn't awkward, surprisingly, Merian and Relena managed to keep the conversation going and also managed to keep Heero and me talking.

Heero got up halfway through out meal to use the restroom, and that's when the girls pounced.

"Have you guys kissed yet?" Merian asked excitedly.

Relena shook her head, "I heard there was some miscommunication going on."

I was supposed to be playing hard to get, I was supposed to be teasing and alluring. But I was just slightly annoyed; Heero was confusing as all hell.

I let out a long sigh, "I'm throwing signals out like crazy, but he's just so damn hard to read."

Relena gave me a look that I didn't understand.

"Why don't you just kiss him?" Merian asked simply, "That's what I did to Dorothy that one time when I thought I liked her." She then grinned sheepishly, "It's the reason why she transferred schools in tenth grade."

I stared at her, "It also makes sense, 'cause not even a month after her transfer she and Q-ball had sex." I then shook my head, and said "We're supposed to be talking about me here."

Merian laughed a little.

Relena shrugged, "I'm going to have to agree with Merian on this one, maybe you should just kiss him?"

"Eh...maybe." I replied right as Heero came back to the table.

Should I just stop all of my planning and efforts and just be blunt with my feelings? It was common sense, sure. But it wasn't as fun. When I really though about it, did I really want Heero? Or was I just happy chasing after the idea of him?

* * *

**TBC**

* * *

Originally Written: 6/6/09

Rewritten: 7/26/12

* * *

**MLL: **So, I flipped the original chapter 12 and 13. This was once 13. But it made more sense as 12. And it was a nice little filler. 3 more chapters.


	13. INTERMISSION IV

Title: **How to Catch a Straight Guy**

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples: pairings include 1x2, 3x4, 5xR if you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fix for you.

No Beta for this chapter, sadly. Beware of the errors!

* * *

**INTERMISSION IV**

TROWA'S POV

* * *

I felt like skipping school the moment my alarm clock went off. I could hear my sister puttering around the kitchen outside of my bedroom door. She was probably already up and ready for work. With a yawn I threw off my blanket and sat up, mornings weren't particularly kind to me. It was one of the many things Quatre and I had in common.

After sitting in a daze for about fifteen minutes I finally managed to stand and gather some clean clothes before taking a quick shower. By the time I was dressed and ready for school Heero was already there, waiting for me in the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal.

Heero always came over for a ride to school. He usually rode his bike over and placed it in the backyard. Out of all of us, my cousin lived the furthest from the campus.

"You look like Hell," Heero commented, taking another bite. He was making that cereal look pretty damn good.

I gave him a half glare, "Yeah? Well you're dating a guy who doesn't even realize you two are dating," I stated, pouring myself a bowl, "I mean, if he doesn't see it, then are you really? You sure you're not some deranged stalker or something? You may need help."

Heero almost winced at that statement, "I always forgot how much of a bitch you were the mornings."

I grumbled something incoherent. I didn't really care. I was like a bear that was forcefully awoken before hibernation was even halfway over. Mornings really weren't kind to me, and Heero knew better than anyone that it was wiser for people to just leave me alone.

"I don't see how we're related; how the fuck are you always so chipper in the mornings?" I asked, spooning up some food.

Heero clucked his tongue and shook his head. I hated when he did that.

We were second cousins, related through our late mothers. Heero's half Russian, half Japanese. My father was Puerto Rican, my mother half Japense half French. Our mother's were first cousins, but were as close as sisters, thus was how Heero and I were so close.

"Trowa," He started, "I seriously think you need to get laid. It may relieve some of this morning tension."

I just slurped up the rest of my milk, trying to ignore the fact that he was probably right.

* * *

Lunch time came by quicker than I thought it would. But I supposed that it would happen to anyone who did nothing but sleep during class. Yes, I'm one of those students who sleep through everything and never does any work yet still maintains a 4.23 GPA. Hate me.

Quatre wasn't there by the time I sat down; pulling a sub I had bought that morning out of my book bag, as well as a giant bottle of iced tea. The only other person at the table was Wufei.

"Tell me, is it me, or are Heero and Duo being childishly stupid about all of this?" I asked him, he looked up at me with his dark unreadable eyes. I supposed that was what I liked the most about Wufei, it was that his expressions were always so intense, but hard to define. He was very good at controlling his emotions.

After a moment he agreed, "Yes. All of this foreplay between them is getting tiring."

"Foreplay does get tiring, but that's always when the good stuff happens," Relena grinned as she took her seat next to Wufei. I observed them for a moment. They looked different. Closer.

Quatre appeared a moment later, taking his seat next to me, a giant cookie and bottle of lemonade set in front of him, "What're you guys talking about?" He asked curiously. He tilted his head just so, blond hair moving minutely, and his eyes turned a certain shade of blue due to the fluorescent lighting. Every time I look at him I forget to breathe.

He was God's gift to me; I realized it the moment he said yes to me. I may sound foolish, but he was everything to me. I may be experiencing pre-love, the step before actual love. It's a wonderful, albeit painful, experience so far, and I wouldn't change any moment of it.

"We're talking about everyone's favorite non-couple," Relena shook her head and huffed, "I say we should just lock them in a closet and see how far their foreplay will take them." At this remark I began to laugh, even though it wasn't a joke it was funny to me.

I've always had a terrible sense of humor.

* * *

After school I went to where the drama whores resided. My sister was the new teacher, and was currently trying to direct the latest school play. From my spot at the back entrance I could see her up in the top room where the lighting technician was. Duo listening to whatever she was saying to him.

"Hey Trowa, back again? Why don't you just join the club?" An actor, Mueller, asked me kindly. He was standing on a footstool as the costume designers worked on him.

"I'm only here for moral support," I said, although even to my own ears it sounded like a lame excuse. The truth was the reason why I came here after school was so that Heero could come here without any suspicions. Since my sister worked here, it was okay for me to visit sometimes, and Heero was my closet friend, so it was okay for him to follow. Heero wasn't on the committee that was just some BS line he fed Duo.

I waited where the audience sat for my cousin. Not ten minutes later he made his entrance and made a beeline to me, taking the seat to my left.

"You know, I'm going to give you an ultimatum 'Ro," I began, stretching my arms above me lazily, "either you march your ass up there and tell Duo who you really feel, or I will." I looked over at him.

Heero flashed me a dirty look, "You have no right to do that." He was right, I didn't, but I was sick of this game. It really shouldn't be this hard for two perfectly confident people to hook up. Months of gravitating around each other, flirting, teasing, it was aggravating.

Cathy made her way through the aisles toward the stage to see how the costumes were going.

"He's all alone up there Heero. Go. Now," I ordered, and was pleasantly surprised to see him get up from his seat and go in the same direction my sister had just come from. Once he was out of sight I stood up and strode over to Cat.

"Hey, Cathy, give Heero a ride home? I'm leaving." I grinned at her, pleased with myself.

Cathy looked up at me with her pretty lavander eyes, "Sure, no problem Tro. I'll see you later."

I nodded at her one last time before leaving campus. Because really, as interesting as Heero and Duo's predicament was to me, I'd much rather snuggle up next to Quatre for an afternoon nap.

* * *

**TBC**

* * *

Originally Written: 5/26/09

Rewritten: 7/26/12

* * *

**MLL: **I love Trowa. I may be slow for the updating because I actually lost the original last chapter! And I don't remember the exact details on how this fic ended, so everything will be brand new. 2 more chapters.


	14. INTERMISSION V

Title: **How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy**

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.

Summary: I'm Duo Maxwell, an all in all sexy beast. Just about every girl wants me. Unfortunately for them I'm as straight as the letter 'S'. And unfortunately for me I just so happen to be crushing on the straightest guy in school.

* * *

**INTERMISSION V**

HEERO'S POV

* * *

"My brother's throwing another party," Relena stated on Friday afternoon during lunch. She was all smiles and rainbows. The words seemed innocent enough, but I knew better. Relena was up to something, it was obvious. "It's tonight. Sorry for the short notice, but I still expect all of you to be there."

"This is a little sudden," Quatre frowned, "I'm not sure if I'll be able to go."

"I'm sure your father will let you go, I'll even lie for you," Wufei stated, giving Quatre a pointed look. There was some sort of silent communication going on between them. What was worse was that Trowa seemed to be in on it too, it was unsettling.

* * *

"You need a ride over there or anything?" Trowa asked me after school, we were in the auditorium, watching the very last practice before the actual play began.

I shook my head, "I'll just go over to 'Lena's after. I'll call Grandfather from there and tell him I'm spending the night at your place."

"So what, are you going to stay here with Duo?" Trowa gave me a knowing look, which gave made me resist the strong urge to punch him in the face.

"Hn," I stated, not bothering to give him an answer. He really didn't deserve a proper one anyway, who was he to judge me? My cousin sometimes got on my nerves more often than others realized.

He threw back his head and laughed, he always did have a terrible sense of humor.

* * *

Staying after school, for the most part, was uneventful, as it usually was. I watched Duo from the stage, staring up at the glass that he sat behind; making sure the lighting and sound was correct and such. The last showing of the play was tomorrow, he knew what he was doing already, this I was sure. But from what I've learned, he was a perfectionist most of the time.

Yet, no matter how annoying it might have seemed to others, I loved that trait in him.

I had first noticed Duo back in the ninth grade, when I was first coming to terms with my sexuality. His hair was shorter back then, but still too long for the norm. He was a tiny boy, and usually hung around the entrance to the library at lunch with Wufei, Quatre, Noin, and some of Noin's senior friends.

He was laughing at something or other the first time I saw him. His smile was bright, his eyes shined with happiness and amusement, his hair fell every which way into his face. I don't want to say that I fell in love at first sight, but I fell into a very deep like and was mesmerized.

Unfortunately, I was a hopeless fourteen year old boy with so many insecurities that I was unsure as to how to act on my feelings.

I told my best friend since the third grade, Relena, everything. Relena was always mature for her age, and very understanding. I didn't want anyone to know that I was gay, I wasn't entirely comfortable with myself, and I didn't want to be out casted. Especially since I was on the football team. So Relena came up with the idea that we were dating. We were to use each other as beards, she didn't want any boys to interrupt her grades, and I didn't want anyone to figure me out.

It was simple enough, until Relena decided to talk to Duo in the beginning of the school year. I swore she purposely acted stupid. Maybe she got tired of my pining? Maybe she wanted a real boyfriend? Whatever it was, in retrospect, Relena started this entire ordeal. Because, had Relena stayed silent, none of what happened this year would have happened. There would be no Relena and Wufei, no Trowa and Quatre, and certainly not Heero opening chasing after Duo. He and I even went out on a few dates, and no matter what I did he never seemed to notice. It was frustrating.

This entire awkward situation that I was now in was entirely thanks to Relena.

* * *

I had walked Duo home, as I tended to do. I wanted to hold his hand or do something, but he seemed a little distant, and too quiet.

"Are you alright?" I asked him worriedly. Although I'm pretty sure my voice remained as monotone as ever. I was never good at reflecting my emotions though my voice.

"Of course I am," Duo grinned easily, "just thinking about this party, I hope the cops don't bust this one like last time."

I felt my insides run cold at the mention of the last party, I had gotten extremely inebriated, and had kissed Duo with as much passion as I could muster while in that state before running all the way to Trowa's car.

Afterwards I prayed to whatever God there was that Duo would not remember anything from that night, and thankfully he didn't. But sometimes I wish he did, because, no matter how smart he could be, Duo was sometimes extremely dense.

We made it up to his driveway and stared at each other for a moment, the last time this happened we almost kissed. I really did want to kiss him again, this time sober.

Duo opened his mouth to say something, but closed it as the garage began to open. Noin was backing up her car so that it was parked in the driveway. Duo let out an annoyed huff before turning to me, "I'll see you later yeah?"

I nodded, "See you at Relena's." I watched as he jogged up to Noin before making my way back towards the school and to Relena's house. I still needed to call my grandfather.

* * *

Zechs smirked at Relena and I as we made our way upstairs to lounge around while more college kids came pouring in through the front door. It was near midnight and there was still no sign of our friends and downstairs was getting quite crowded. I hate crowds.

Relena poured herself some 7-Up and did the same for me. We were watching Cartoon Network and talking about nothing in particular.

After a few minutes the door opened, revealing Merian, Wufei, Quatre and Trowa.

"Where's Duo?" Relena asked for me, after greeting everyone with smooches.

"He's on his way with Noin and Hilde." Quatre answered, happily accepting the plastic cup of soda that Trowa gave him.

The six of us were in the middle of a game of poker when we promptly ran out of soda. This time around we had decided that it was better not to drink alcohol. Relena, best friend that she was, sent me downstairs to get some more.

While making my way out of the kitchen and back towards the stairs, Duo and his sisters appeared at the front door. Reluctantly I made my way over toward them and offered Duo my hand in order to help him navigate through the dense crowd. He grabbed Hilde and I led the two up the stairs.

On the way back to the game room I noticed that a guest bedroom door was open. Narrowing my eyes, knowing it was a trap, I moved over to close the door, Duo, adorable fool that he was, followed. We were both promptly pushed by Hilde, who was surprisingly strong, into the room. The door slammed behind us and with a sharp click, we were locked in.

The party was still going on underway, and I couldn't help but glare at the door. It was locked from the outside.

"HURRY UP AND MAKE UP! WE WON'T LET YOU OUT UNTIL YOU DO!" Relena's voice was loud and clear through the door.

I glared at the door again; I knew that she was up to something. I also knew that everyone was in on it. "This is ridiculous and completely childish," I scoffed at no one in particular.

We stared at the door in silence for the next few minutes. Relena was apparently serious about what she ordered of us. Knowing her, she wouldn't let us out until morning.

Duo sat down on the only bed in the room and sighed, "Well, looks like we're stuck here until we do as we're told."

I scoffed again, "Is there anything in particular that you'd like to talk about or say?" I really didn't mean for my words to come out as harshly as they did.

"I mean, yeah, I _LIKE_ you Heero. I like you a LOT," Duo looked down at his shoes, "I mean, I'm not sure what's going on between us...but I...well...UGH!" He ran a hand through his hair for a moment and I watched him, resisting the urge to laugh.

"Duo, have you not even noticed? We've been practically dating for a few months now," I stated, slightly annoyed.

He looked up at me, eyebrows furrowed. He was just as confused as I was. So, I did what I've wanted to do for years now.

"I'm going to kiss you now," I stated, there was no room for argument as I cupped his face with my hands and planted one on him.

His lips were soft, warm, and dry. I could feel him smile against me, making me smile in return.

When I pulled away from him, he was beaming up at me, eyes sparkling.

"Are you going to be my boyfriend now?" I asked him teasingly.

Duo just laughed before kissing me again.

Really, this was all thanks to Relena.

* * *

**TBC**

* * *

Originally Written: 6/24/09

Rewritten: 7/26/12

* * *

**MLL: **This chapter made me smile. One more left.


	15. EPILOGUE

Title: **How to Catch 'Straight' a Guy**

Genre: Romance/ Humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I no own

Note: This fic is AU, has OOC, Yaoi, Yuri, and some odd couples. Pairings include: 1x2, 3x4, 5xR and various others. If you are uncomfortable with any of those this is not the fic for you.

Summary: I'm Duo Maxwell, an all in all sexy beast. Just about every girl wants me. Unfortunately for them I'm as straight as the letter 'S'. And unfortunately for me I just so happen to be crushing on the straightest guy in school.

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**EPILOGUE**

12 YEARS LATER

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I watched Wufei pace the room while he took the occasional swig from his flask.

"Nervous?" I couldn't help but ask with a smirk on my face as I leaned back on the chaise I was on.

His obsidian eyes narrowed at me and he gave me the finger.

Beside me was Quatre, cool as a cucumber. "Duo, be nice."

"Pacing isn't going to change anything," Trowa stated from his spot next to the window, he fiddled idly with his bow tie. "I can't wait to get this thing off."

"It's the fact that both of our families and all of our friends are going to be there. Watching," Wufei managed to say after another swig.

"You knew that this was going to happen when you popped the question last year, dumbass," I chuckled at his expense. Earning myself another very enthusiastic one finger salute.

We were in the groom's suit in the chapel, waiting until it was time for us to take our places at the altar.

There was a knock on the door and Heero poked his head in.

"There's the maid of honor." Trowa grinned at his cousin.

My lover gave him his traditional dead panned look before giving the groom-to-be his attention. "Relena wanted to know if she could borrow your flask."

A little boy of four years old poked his head in as well, waving at the group of us and smiling widely. He was the ring bearer. Remember how my sister Lu had wanted to hook up with Milliardo so badly? Well, the two of them eventually had a fling while we were all away at college, and the end result was the nephew Relena and I shared. Lu and Mili were still together, just not married.

"Seems like you're not the only one with nerves to steel," Quatre said, entirely too amused with the situation.

Grumbling, Wufei handed Heero his flask.

"We start in ten minutes," My lover reminded him before leaving the room to go back to the bride's quarters.

See, after high school we all went to different colleges. Both Wufei and Relena were driven, and had decided on going to different schools. Wufei had gotten into Stanford to become a lawyer, while Relena went to Brown and entered politics. They had broken up, seeing that college was a time to have new experiences and not thinking that the long distance thing would work.

However, after over a year of no contact with one another, they decided it was best to keep in touch. They just missed each other too much to do anything else. And sure, both of them dated, but they always gravitated toward each other.

After college the two moved back into our home state, living in the capital, and decided to try and take things to the next level again.

Quatre went to NYU while Trowa got into Queens University. They lived in New York together all throughout their college, and still lived together in New York to this day. Quatre went into business and worked for his father, while Trowa was a middle school teacher. Something about the two of them just screamed true love from day one. They were that couple that everyone wanted to be. I'm sure they had their fair share of problems, but they were never public about them.

And I know you want to know about Heero and I. Me and Heero. The dynamic duo. What was there to tell? After high school I had went to the local college like my older sister, living at home and working with my uncle at a junk yard. I got my degree in bioengineering. Heero went off to Stanford with Wufei to also become a lawyer.

He and I lost touch for a while. Only sending the occasional emails to each other. I had honestly heard more about him through Wu than anything that he had ever told me. Which hurt and aggravated me to no end.

I started dating other people two years after our break up. There was one guy who I had thought things were going to be serious with, but it didn't work out. Which was a shame, but I guess it was just the way things were meant to be.

When Heero decided to come back home, following Wufei's lead, things were rocky between us. We had a few altercations, and at one point our arguments had gotten so fierce that I threw a plate at the poor guy.

But, once things were talked out and smoothed over, we realized how well we worked. Despite all the years apart, and how different we were after so long. We were still those two kids that had tried our damndest to get together. It had been four years and we were still staying strong.

"Alright, it's time," Quatre's chipper voice said, he stood up and fixed Trowa's frazzled tie.

Wufei smoothed his hair and accepted the mint that the blond in the room offered him.

It's funny, because being at Wu's wedding like this, it reminded me of what the bride-to-be had gushed about back when we were in high school. That eventually all of us would be related to one another somehow. It made me smile with how she called it so well back then, even if it was her idealist talk. It was almost a conspiracy with how her plans always went accordingly.

We walked out of the room in single file to walk down the aisle.

Heero was across the hallway, watching my nephew play with the pillow that held the false rings. I had the real rings in my breast pocket.

"See you at the altar," I winked at him cheekily.

His smile lit up his face and made my heart pinch.

I loved him.

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**FIN**

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Originally Written: 10/19/07

Rewritten: 7/27/12

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**MLL**: I had lost the original of this chapter and had to write this all from scratch. I hope that it was okay. I had originally come up with this storyline in the beginning of my senior year of high school and walking the track in PE. There were so many ups and downs in the beginning of this fic. And for a long time I had debated on just trashing it altogether. I'm glad that I had eventually worked it out. And now, after 5 years of it being online, I'm happy that I did a revamp. I hope that you guys loved just as much as I did. Thank you for your support.


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